Hello Jonathan, Yes I know now that one day at a time is all we can manage. I do have those days now when I feel more like myself but when I do hit rock bottom yet again I become confused and as to why it has happened yet again.
I remember Brian’s cousin, who had lost his wife a year before tell me at Brian’s funeral that he was still struggling a year on. I didn’t take much notice at what he had said at the time because he seemed to be coping just fine. Now I know different and can well believe that his pain was still with him.
Going into town and the supermarkets give me palpitations I feel so stressed. I don’t blame you going to the garage. I shop as little as possible. I do however get pleasure from going to my allotment and coming home with a bagful of vegetables as I have done today.
Thanks for the hug. Love Pat x xxx
Hi Lyn, I do so agree with you. I have recently come to the conclusion that I am now dwelling more on ME than my loss. I am becoming accustomed to living on my own, to eating when and what I want to. to going out alone but I can’t get rid of the terrible emotions that I feel.
My family never talked about grief and all members of the family, as far back as I can remember never mentioned the departed person again, they was never talked about. I have lost close family members and kept my grief to myself and come through it with little trouble. That is what was expected of me, or so I thought. I did wonder if this was right as I seemed to be feeling the loss of my dogs more than family. I held back tears at my mother funeral because it wasn’t expected of me I had been programmed. However losing Brian has made me realise that it’s not that easy and although I try hard I still have those rotten miserable days and don’t feel I have any control over them. However I have always maintained that life is precious and I intend to try very hard to cope with these black days and to take control.
Today a neighbour offered to show me the art of rug making. I can remember my grandmother doing this. Me, rug making, that’s a first, not into handicrafts but I intend to have a go, something new!!! Onward and upwards.
Pat xxx
Very true Lyn. I have a very similar view to you. It is very easy to slip into an introspective grief. A friend of mine lost his wife to cancer around the same time as my husband died. He said ‘we are not the first’. That made me almost snap out of my self pity…and I’ve done what I can to help others who I know are struggling with various things. We must remember the people who are still here as well as remembering those who have died. Love and hugs. Liz x
Lyn. Those words really have helped me today. I have started wallowing. Going over could have should have. It’s a pointless waste of energy and emotion. I know I was a good daughter who loved my mum dearly. She would hate to see me like this.
Lyn
Can I echo what jokes has just said? I’m sick of crying and being so hopeless. I loved my mum and did everything for her. She wanted for nothing and yet I’m like a stuck record. Could i have done more? What if i got her to the hospital earlier?
I’m sick of it. I go on and on.
Im going to try and have a nice day and your words have helped x
Joules!!! I give up.im really not posting again today!!!
You are cracking me up today.
I’m cracking myself up joules…I’ve actually gone mad I think
Hi all I fully understand what you are saying and I truly want to get out of this misery I seem to have gone in. Today is such a cold and wet day the tv plays all romantic happy ever after movies and I have reverted to sitting on the sofa flicking through channels. There is no one to visit as family are busy and too far away friends have partners and are all together today. What do you do on days like this? Anne
Of course, it is good to see the beauty of the day, but grief can’t be hurried because it is painful or depressing.
Lyn. Thank you. Much needed wise words.
Hi Lyn thank you for your kind words and the poem is lovely and so true. I admit it has been a bad day today but tomorrow hopefully I will pick myself up and go out. The rain is pelting against the window right now. It’s funny how when it was us as a couple sitting here listening to that I enjoyed the cosiness of it now It’s totally different. I wish I still worked but only have a couple of hours three mornings as I have been retired 2 years. It’s the company I miss. Take care of yourself and thank you for replying. Anne
By the way I enjoyed Happy Valley
Hi Lynn T
Thank you for your wise words.I keep going over & over all that happened & it’s just making me feel so sad. You are so right we can’t change anything & must carry on but I feel so guilty . I know my darling wouldn’t want me to be like I am, he was so brave all his life he had lots of heartache during his life but always carried on being kind & happy & never showing his feelings.
I am going to try really hard to be more like he was .
Thank you Lynn you have really helped me think about it all differently.
Unhappy x
Some very wise and helpful words from Lyn as usual and I agree wholeheartedly. When I now feel those tears coming I try to think that they are there because Brian is nudging me and not letting me forget him. My husband was also very kind and certainly never showed his true feelings while he was ill. He was normally a very private person which frustrated me at times but he was special to me just as all our loved ones are so it’s up to us to remember them with the joy they gave us and not so much sadness. Hopefully in time this joy and memories will overcome the sadness.
Good luck
xxxx
Hi Lyn, I am still full of sadness over my mum. Still nothing makes sense to me but I’m hopeful with time that things will improve. You are right, death can never separate love. Love is eternal and in fact I love my mum more now than ever. I was just discussing this last night with my dad that mum is in fact me. I aspire to be like she was, I shall never be better than she was though and I wouldn’t want to be. The fact remains that I am half of her as half her DNA is me. Such an incredible thought and I am so lucky to actually exist at all because by sheer probability I should not be here. I owe her my life so it’s my duty not to waste what I have left.
We all share something in common, grief and love. Grief is a symptom of love. I have felt like I have many failings and guilt but I’m working through those like many others here. I hope I can be someone my daughter will aspire to be like in the years ahead before and after I’m gone. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to some happy memories rather than the painful ones I have right now.
I lost my husband 9 months and 3 weeks ago, he so loved our little family, I know he’d want me to carry on with my life as best I can he’d want me to Live, love , travel . I’ve been away a few times with my grown up children and grandchildren and of course it’s emotional at times but we’re making New memories which unfortunately my husband can’t share but I know he’d be happy we’re doing things together. I try to stay strong as it’s what I know he’d want, obviously I can’t all the time, shed many tears when I’m alone , I get up everyday and try and note at least one positive thing from that day. Keep strong everyone. Xx