So many of us suffer from guilt or anger. Guilt because we could have done more, or so we think, and anger because ‘why me’. What did my loved one do to deserve such pain? What did I do? The answer is that none of us did anything that was not appropriate at the time. Hindsight is a cruel taskmaster.
Whatever we may feel about the past there is not a thing we can do about it.
“The moving finger writes; and having writ moves on: nor all thy Piety or Wit shall lure it back or cancel half a line, nor all they tears wash out a word of it”
This is very difficult subject when in the midst of grief. Things will never be the same, of course not. But not accepting what has happened can get us stuck in the past. Oh yes, I know; it’s the pain and feeling of loss and loneliness that keeps us stuck.
Looking forward is nigh impossible. But what’s the alternative? Would our loved ones want us to go on grieving indefinitely? Is it fair to them if we do? I believe they still know and care. It’s not the past that matters, although memories can be good as well as bad. It’s the future and how we behave to others that’s important.
I have changed. No longer selfish and a ‘know all’ but so much more aware of the pain and suffering of others. Loss creates humility. We are confronted with life in a way none of us expected and forces that are well beyond our control.
I am not for one moment underestimating the pain of grief. God knows I do know. But the light I have talked about does get brighter. I still live day by day, but I am so grateful that my wife and I had so much time together. It was a privilege. I am grateful for this site too and the friends I have made.
Take care everyone. Blessings.