Moving On....

My wife of 31 years died suddenly at home aged 66 Years old from natural Causes at the end of July this Year. On the morning she died, she got up in the very early Hours, fell asleep on the couch sat up and passed away.
I got up about 9-30am. She looked so peaceful just as though she was a sleep. It was obvious she had died a few hours before.
I Phoned 999 and they said i had to drag her off the Couch by her ankles onto the floor and start giving her CPR. I explained to them that giving CPR was a waste of time as it was obvious, she had died a few hours before.
In the end i did has they asked. I will not be able to Move on until i get this incident out of my head. . I feel guilty that i dragged her off the Couch.

Hi Colin,

I am so sorry to read that you lost your beloved wife. It must have been a very traumatic experience to wake up and suddenly find that she had gone, and to then have to perform CPR when you knew that there was no chance of her coming back.

You should not feel guilty for doing this, you did what they told you to. I think the majority of people would have done the same as you, what else can we do when the medical profession are telling us to do something?

At this moment in time you need to be kind to yourself and appreciate you did nothing wrong, you were placed in an awful situation, and did the only thing you could have.

There are unfortunately quite a few people here who have lost their loved ones in such sudden and tragic circumstances here, hopefully by talking to some of them you will find it easier to cope.

Please look after yourself.

Hi Colin,
Please know that you did the right thing by getting her on to the floor and attempting CPR. If you had not done that, you likely would feel worse about that. Even though your logical mind tells you that there was nothing to be done, the emotional side needed to try everything possible.
Sudden loss is particularly hard as it comes from no where and feels like the universe made a mistake.
I know because my family experienced almost an identical trauma last summer when we lost my dad. My mom also found him comfortably and peacefully “resting” in the den around 9:30 am, after he had likely died many hours earlier. She also was instructed to do useless cpr. She does not feel badly about that because it gave her a last chance to try.
I know that you are replaying the events in your mind. I promise that this will ease up over time. It is just very soon and you are in terrifying shock.
Warmly,
Ell

Hi colin
I’m the same as the others. My mum found my dad dead in bed aged 53.
It was so obvious that he was gone but she tried in vain to give CPR.
He was so big that she wasnt able to get him off the bed and she had barks round her face for days where what she did do was useless.
It wasnt until I joined the emergency services 5 years later that I learnt that the chances of someone surviving a heart attack outside of hospital are less than 10 percent
In time your guilt will subside. My mum died suddenly 15 months ago from a bleed on the brain and I still feel sone guilt although it has reduced over time.
Those images of your wife will very slowly be replaced by happier ones.
Cheryl x

Marks around her face not barks

Hi Colin, i feel your anguish, as I had very similar experience when I found my Dad & I had no doubt he had passed. I too was told to get Dad on floor & do CPR. I knew would be pointless, but Ambulance control insisted. I struggled, as barely had strength, & as bathroom floor was very hard surface, was frightened would brake Dad’s bones. Thankfully that did not happen, but was harrowing to try CPR. I kept saying, I know you have gone Dad. For months I recalled this all too clearly. That recall is getting less & not so clear & oddly feel it was right was me who found Dad. I whole heartedly wish for your pain to lessen for you also.

We were told to move dad and try but he had a DNR order and was having end of life care. We felt guilty too as he looked peaceful before they told us to remove the pillow. The ambulance ladies made him all comfy again with his duvet and pillow whilst we waited for police and undertakers so that helped.

It does get easier in time and the good memories will come back.