Moving on

Losing a partner
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I was widowed after the loss of my wife that I was devoted to, after her 4.5 year battle with cancer. I was with her every step of the way in life and her battle. We were togeather and unseperable for 43 years from the age of 17. The loss was just devastating and at times I felt like I did not want to go on. I threw myself into work, would not watch TV or put the radio on as it was just too painful. I felt mortal for the first time in my life.
My wife told me before she passed that “I had been the best husband and father and that she still wanted me to have a good life. Please go and have a good life”. With these words of comfort I knew I had to find a future and I joined a widows & widowers dating site where after 5 months I met a very dear lady who I am enjoying life with again. In life I hit problems head on and this was my life’s biggest problem. I really struggle being alone.
However some of my family now do not talk to me saying it is like I am having an affair on my decessed wife as it was far too soon to move on. Being 60 when my wife passed I was relaistic that time is not on my side, that life is too short and precious and that we must live for the moment as you just don’t know what is around the corner.

Have I done wrong finding happiness so soon albeit no one will ever take the place of my wife that I am still madly in love with. It has been 3 years and my adult children still will not accept the situation and now hardly see or contact me which I am absolutely devastated about. Would appreciate some advice and comments. Thank you x

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@DC1960 Hi there, having been through what you have losing my wife last year, I would say that it’s no one else’s business other than your own. Why should you not find joy in life once again? As you say your wife wanted you to be happy, and if the woman you have met does that for you then it really should be enough for anyone else. There are so many preconceptions and expectations placed on us as widows/widowers but so much of it is arrived at from a place of what is acceptable for everyone else. Why should you be forever the grieving widower to make things that bit easier for those around you?

If it makes you happy then it’s what your wife would have wanted.

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I guess for me, I see both sides. As a woman who has lost the love of her life and as a mother who loves her children and would hate to lose them.
I would hope that if I was lucky enough to find someone who could love me for me, warts and all, my children would be happy for me and accept my choice but there comes a time in life when you have to put yourself first.

I’m sorry you’re children made their decision but I can understand it as I can understand yours.

Personally, I need to find my new self first, I have to love the new me first. I’m a different person now.

Please remember, we are all different, with different needs and expectations. What is right for you, is all that matters. You’re children are living their lives and you have a right to live yours as you see fit.

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