Multiple deaths in a short space of time...

Its been three years since my mum died of MND tragic in itself, the problem was my ex-husband died 8 hours later from a terminal illness, that only came to light a month before. It was the second time my eldest three children had lost a dad their first being 13 years prior to this at 15yrs, 12yrs and 11yrs. He died in extremely awful circumstances too. Their stepdad was my youngest’s dad. We had very an acrimonious split and it was all still a mess.

My mother lived 320 miles away and I had this gut feeling they would both go on the same day and I made the decision to stay with my children. Instead I made a film on my phone and my sister’s played it to her in the hospital, she thought I was live and they filmed her response and sent it back. We said goodbye without actually saying it.

My dad went to bed for almost a year (they had been married 59 years and were only separated the last three months of my mum’s life as they wouldn’t let them stay together as his needs were nursing needs at that time, he was in the early stages of dementia.

My mum’s funeral was my first, imagine getting to 49 and not attending a funeral… I was strangely at peace after a weird experience in the early hours of the funeral morning which I won’t bother you with. That peace has stayed with me.

Two of my four children attended the funeral as one other had just had a baby and the youngest just attended his dad’s. I looked at my children who attended, they were on their second funeral in three days, they never got to their dad’s as his then wife wouldn’t wait until my eldest got back from Cyprus (she was on holiday) before having the funeral, so her brother and sister said all of them or none of them.

Six weeks later my eldest sister lost her husband to cancer, 8 weeks late my auntie died, then my uncle, then the eldest three’s grandma, then their grandad and after 7 deaths in 14 months my dad passed away while I was 20,000 feet up in the sky trying to get to him in time.

I tell you so much detail for one reason, in June last year, a year after my dad’s death, the company I worked for went into receivership owing me 9 months of wages. I had survived on my mum and dad’s inheritance, they worked day and night to leave us that money and I am racked with guilt, delayed grief and trying really hard to see it in another way, but it’s really hard.

I planned a big trip from England to Italy by train with my inheritance, a significant one off holiday to say, ‘there you go mum and dad’, I did something amazing with the money you worked so hard to leave me.

Despite being surrounded by amazing people I cannot express the utter utter pain, anger and sorrow I feel, even though I know they would be utterly supportive. Thank you for reading.

Sorry to hear your story so much loss for u and the children, it must be hard to get any joy out of life ATM. I hope u get ur wages and redundancy because unfortunately the bills still come in even if u are grieving or not ! Take care

Gosh Rebecca, what a heart breaking story you have been going through.

I have found this forum such a comfort over the last couple of weeks so I am glad you have found us here. A community of people all going through grief in on way or another but happy to support each other.

You mentioned a great sense of peace at your mother’s funeral. Is that something that has helped at all with the other losses you have had in any way?

Please don’t feel guilty. I am sure your parents would not want that. I really hope your trip to Italy happens too. It sounds a lovely way to mark your parents hard work.

Take care
Ann x

Thank you so much for your supportive message x

Thank you Ann x