I don’t really know what I’m gaining by this but here goes.
Me and my partner of 10 years lost his father two years ago unexpectedly, right on top of me about to give birth to our son, his grandson. I had to attend his funeral three days before going in to give birth. The family situation got messy but I’ll spare the details, it was an awful, unexpected heavy loss thats been hard to cope with.
Fast forward to this past saturday. His mum passes away, another heavy loss but not as unexpected although her situation was also awful, between family tension and early onset dementia that rapidly progressed, she ended up in a mental health unit where she continued to rapidly lose herself and eventually her life. Again, not unexpected but it was still just awful. A lot of things should not have been the way they were.
Three days later, my best friend passed from cancer. She was 31, 32 next week. Now she’s battled leukemia for the best part of 10 years and I’ve been by her side through it all. Late last year she got the terminal diagnosis but last minute there was a new trial she could try. It was a shot in the dark that point but better than nothing at all.
We thought perhaps it was doing something, she said she was feeling a little better, not jumping for joy but better. Perhaps a placebo effect. Her passing in that sense was really unexpected, she hadn’t messaged me for a couple of days but sometimes when she’s under the weather (she mentioned she and her family had awful cold/flu that she was getting over) and I thought nothing of it.
I messaged her as I usually do on Tuesday to ask how she’s getting on, knowing I might not get a response then and there but I always do just so she knows even if she doesn’t have the energy to respond I’m thinking of her and I get a reply from her sister saying she’s passed away that morning out of the blue.
I have a two year old and a fourteen year old so I can’t just shut down. But this is so hard.
I loved his parents and I’m trying to do the best I can to support him through losing his parents and he’s doing his best to support me through this too but losing his mum and my best friend in not even a week, I don’t know how I’m going to carry on. His dad was hard enough and we were still trying to heal from. That and now his mum and my best friend, how do you even begin to process that.
How do you carry on daily household things, raising kids with a smile and the energy they need and deserve (I already have MECFS so it’s not the easiest the best of days) hobbies, wedding planning, doing fun things, they say you’re supposed to do things you enjoy when grieving to give yourself some peace and joy but how do you do that when your whole world has just crumbled.
Again, I’m not sure what I gain from this post, just a vent or something I don’t know because I don’t know what I want or need honestly. I’m just broken.
