Multiple life changes

Looking to the future
1

Hi All,

I first come on here last year to seek some peer support as grief can feel very lonely and isolating.

In the last 16 months, I had lost my last parent before the age of 40. I had arranged all the end of life care by myself, chose the coffin, music, reading, guests, cremation services etc alone and emptied their flat.

Meanwhile, I had to leave a place I had lived in for 10 years, without it being my choice, ha don’t long started a new job before the bereavement happened and lost relationships through my grief.

I then lost that job through no fault of my own, and had been firefighting problems ever since.

I did however have some support from a few close friends that made life more bearable, it made me think more about how fragile life is, how things shouldn’t be taken for granted. It made me think more about looking after myself and putting ME first for once in my life.

I didn’t realise I was quietly building a strength that I could have never imagined. As much as I knew I had it before, I think my losses really highlighted who showed up for me and most proudly I did.

I’ve started to re learn who I am, (if I even really knew) and I started to commit myself to getting to know me, reconnecting with parts of me I lost due to being a carer, and their decline.

I have a long way to go, but I have another new job and I’m trying my best to keep my head above water. I’ve recently had a health diagnosis which I’m trying to navigate, but I don’t want to keep surviving, I want to really live.

I make plans, I try to be spontaneous, I try to reconnect with others because even if people didn’t make the effort for me, I don’t want ego and stubbornness to get in the way of moments I could have with someone, even if it’s just one. As you are never guaranteed another moment with someone.

My boundaries are tighter than they have previously been, as I still don’t want to lose sight of my own space, time and healing process. This chapter is about me now.

I’m not out the other end of the tunnel yet, but I wanted to share my story of trying to survive and hopefully in time, thrive.

I miss having family, for all our differences I miss my parents. I still get reminders, random thoughts good and bad, I still cry randomly and I still envy those that get to have their loved ones for longer.

It’s not easy, there are no shortcuts. I’m just trying to find my way one step at a time. I just hope that if I build my life up enough and get to do the things they couldn’t do then I know they will look down and smile. That gives me some comfort.

4 Likes
2

Hi @Itsbeenawhile25,

This is really uplifting, and it sounds like you’ve built up a strength and resilience that you didn’t realise you had during an incredibly difficult time. I was particularly struck by what you said here: “I’m just trying to find my way one step at a time. I just hope that if I build my life up enough and get to do the things they couldn’t do then I know they will look down and smile.”

I’m sure your story will help to bring comfort and hope to others. Thank you for sharing it with us :blue_heart:

Take good care,

Harriet

3

Hello it’sbeenawhile25, I hope i got that right..so sorry for the loss of your parents at such a young age..you are still so young to have gone through such pain. Its hard enough having people around you, helping you with planning a funeral, and you did it yourself, . That takes a lot of courage . Im glad to hear that you are taking control of your life in a positive way, you are an inspiration. I lost my husband in March, and its been very hard being without my best friend. Take care of yourself, and God bless you :folded_hands:

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Thank you for sharing this. Losing a parent, leaving a home you had lived in for ten years, and losing a job would be a lot on their own, and facing them close together must have felt relentless. It is striking that, even while you say you are not through it yet, you can already see the strength you were building quietly. Making plans, trying to be spontaneous, reconnecting with people, and holding clearer boundaries all sound like practical ways of protecting the life you are rebuilding. A new job and those small, steady choices are real progress, even if some days still feel heavy. I hope the reminders of your parents can sit alongside that progress gently, and that you keep finding people who understand how much you have carried.