Hi,all
It’s ages since I’ve posted on here but I’m feeling so sad at the moment, I need to know if I’m “normal”.
In July 2020 my lovely dad was diagnosed with Dementia in the same week my Brother Stephen was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I nursed dad at home(whilst holding down a full time job) with mum until he finally lost his battle in January 2022, it was a long, drawn out death but we kept him at home until the very end. A month after poor mum had a series of mini strokes and was diagnosed with mixed dementia. We managed to keep her at home until she had a fall in January 2023 and ended up in hospital, she was going to be moved to a home but caught covid and died on 29th January 2023, a year and 2 weeks after dad.
I don’t know if I’ve even grieved for mum and dad yet because not long after Mums funeral my brother started to get really ill so I tried to spend more time with him and though we talked about mum and dad and what a lovely childhood we had I didn’t want him to see me sad so I kept my feelings inside.
My brother was so, so brave because he fought really hard to stay with his family as his daughter had just had the first grand child and my brother was smitten with her. He just became so ill but carried on making plans for the summer and the holidays even though we all knew he wasn’t going to be here. It wasn’t until the day before he died that he finally accepted he was dying but he told me he was really scared and would give anything to stay alive, that literally broke my heart as there was nothing I could say or do to help him. I just told him I loved him. He finally passed away, at home with all his family there in May 2024.
Its now 15 months since he passed and I feel worse than I did in the first year He was my only sibling, I think about mum, dad and Stephen every day, sometimes I get a panicking feeling in my stomach when I realise I won’t see them again. Every body seems to think I should be “moving on” and “getting on with my life” because “It’s what Steve would have wanted” . I was offered counseling with Sue Ryder but I turned it down because I don’t feel ready to talk about my feelings but I can write them down, Is this normal? I feel that I am grieving every day and I just want to be the person I was before they all died. I don’t know if that will ever happen. I don’t tell anybody what I’m feeling I just plod on and keep it to myself as I know there are people out there a lot worse off than me.
Thanks for reading this and letting me rant, x
I hope it’s helped to write this down, @lyn6. You’ve been through so much in the past few years. I’m so sorry for all the losses you’ve endured.
It can be tempting to compare ourselves to others, but your feelings and grief are real and important, too. I hope you know that the community is here for you. If it helps to write things down, please do know that you can share here. You might also find it helpful to keep a grief journal. We have a journal space our on Grief Guide you might want to try.
I’m giving your thread a gentle bump. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. 
Hi @lyn6 i too have had multiple losses … lost my husband which was devastating nearly 3 years ago in december , then lost my mum nearly a year ago then my sister last xmas ! Boy it can be so hard going sometines. So hard for those of us left behind 
xx
I have also had mutiple losses over the last few years, 3 uncles, my partner, my mum, a very close family friend and only 2 months ago a very close friend of mine.
I feel like I have been on a constant roller coaster, not knowing who I am grieving for, from one minute to the next!
I miss my Mum terribly, she passed 3yrs ago on 2nd Sept. I miss everything about her. I feel lost without her, even after all this time.
Plus, recently losing my lovely friend to cancer was devastating. She fought so hard, but it was not to be. She was only 58yrs old.
Grief is so painful, so debilitating, so unnerving. When is it ever going to calm down??
Yeh exactly … sometimes it just feels like its never ending doesnt it my mum and husband were the worst tbh its just turned my world upside down …
Hi, Deb5
So sorry for your losses. When my good friend asks me how I’m feeling I say confused, angry and ever so sad, the kind of sadness that seems to wrap around you. How long this grief thing will last, I have no idea. Sending hugs your way xx
I’m so sorry that you’ve lost all these people in such a short time. I miss my mum and dad too. What I would give to just have a five minute cuddle with them. When I lost my Brother I felt like a part off me died and I’ll never feel the same again. Grief changes you and I don’t know when it will all calm down, but it’s good that we can come on here and write our feelings down and realise we’re not alone in our grief. Take care and be kind to yourself x
It comes in waves doesnt it ? I have found im fine for a while then i suddenly feel sad … bit like a rollercoaster really … does get easier thats true but still there are sad days : thanks for the hug and same back to you xx