Hi, I’m new to this so bear with me. I’m struggling tonight as I’ve reached out today for counselling support for the first time since the loss of my father and son at the beginning of the year within a couple of weeks of each other. I’ve been scared to do so all this time as I feel opening up will somehow make it harder to carry on with life itself. Am I being naive in thinking that just burying the hurt and sadness deep inside helps to be able to carry on 
. Every time I try and talk about them and what has happened it just overwhelms me with sadness that I find hard to pull myself out of. Is this a normal stage of grieving 
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Hi key. I’m sorry that you are having to deal with such huge losses, both at the same time.
I’m not an expert but do know that everyone deals with their loss differently and I think that the stages of grief are not set and that there is no right or wrong way to deal with this.
But burying our grief isn’t a long term solution - yes in the short term the avoidance lets us keep functioning but it seems we do need to feel the pain in order to somehow move through and keep going with life.
That pain can be unbearable and the gravity of the situation is unbelievable at times.
I don’t know how to do it as I often feel like you do at the moment.
It’s good you have reached out for help - a good counsellor will help you start to deal with the pain in a way which you can manage. I have found that my mind also helps in that it shuts down a bit when I feel I’m about to completely lose it. Our bodies own safety valve I believe.
You’ve found a supportive place here with people who do understand your grief so keep reaching out for help. Knowing you are not the only one helps me during those darkest moments.
Sending you some love and a virtual hug xx
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Thank you so much for your reply Roni
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So sorry for your losses. Losing a child must be on another level. Over the last 3 years I’ve lost my Dad, my uncle, my 43 year old husband and on Saturday I lost my mum. I have two kids to raise alone, completely alone.
Burying my head in the sand is something I’ve not donw. We are a nation of terrible grievers yet grief is normal. Death, is sadly normal, even if we feel it was far too soon for someone to die.
I’m frustrated as I feel I was doing well with my grief journey; I cried when I needed to cry, I laughed when I needed to laugh, I did nothing on the days I didn’t want to and then did lots of the days I could. I now feel I’m back to square one and have to do it all again.
Since my husband died, I’ve had so many signs that i know this life is not the end. We need to do what we can to get through and enjoy any small moments we can. We will all be back together one day, I know that xx
Hi @Key
I am so sorry to hear what you are dealing with, i cant even begin to imagine. All i can do is share my experiences of grief in the hope it may help. I lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago. The shock was the worst and i didnt have any chance to prepare or say goodbye. I started counselling quite soon as i was worried that i “wouldnt deal with it preperly”. I put that in inverted commas as i dont think there is a way to deal with grief properly, but i do lnow that counselling really helped me as i was worried about burying it and not dealing with it. All you can do is take it one day at a time, and allow the feelings in as much as you can. Sending you hugs
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