Mum and dad dying

I posted previoysly about my mum dying after a brain haemorrphage and now dad is dying of cancer 3mths or more apart depending on what he has left. I know my situation is dire and dont know how I’ll cope but equally as seeing on here people whos children have died, I feel I have no right to complain as I would die myself if one of my children were to die. X

I’m so sorry to hear that your dad is dying of cancer not long after you lost your mum. I just wanted to let you know we have another user on this site called AnnAnnie, who is in a very similar situation - her dad recently died and her mum is dying of cancer. You can read and reply to her post here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/end-life/only-child-caring-mum-terminal-cancer-weeks-after-my-dad-died

You have every right to feel sad and to write about it on this site as much as you like - no one would describe it as “complaining”. Even if some people are going through even worse things, grief is not a competition, and your experiences and feelings are completely valid.

Oh I am sorry to hear about dad so soon after losing your mum, thoughts are with you and you will get through it, in 2012 I lost my mum and my son and I thought I would not get through it, but I did and talking about it helps, I am here if you ever want to talk.

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Hi all.

I’m so sorry to hear all of the upsetting things you are dealing with. As Priscilla said, I can relate to what you are going through as my dad died in May 2017 and 6 weeks later my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, can no longer walk so I’ve been caring for her ever since. In 2016 I lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks so it just feels like one blow after another which I am sure you can both understand.

I find talking and posting on here does help. It lets out a tiny bit of steam from the pressure cooker I seem to be living in.

Trying to live in the moment helps a bit too but is hard to do. We will all get through these times. Elaine36 it sounds like you are doing well considering everything you have been through.

I like Priscilla’s comment about it not being a competition. Grief is grief and it is personal to each of us but does feel comforting that other people understand.

Take care xx

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Sorry for your loss and we all take comfort from other people, I sometimes wonder how I coped and cope, no one see how much I suffer behind closed doors, I do speak to my doctor and open up to him, life is so lonely right now, but I know they are people out there worse off than me.

I’m glad we can take comfort from others who understand. Our loved ones would want us to live on and have complete lives I am sure. We will get there somehow, especially with others help. Xx

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Hi

Just wondered how you are both doing today? I haven’t been able to stop crying all day. It started in the school playground when I dropped my son off and someone asked if I was ok then the taps in my eyes haven’t stopped since. I think I am officially feeling sorry for myself today. Hope you got through it better.

Ann x

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Hi 44571 and Elaine

Just wondered how you are both doing.

Ann xx

I am finding it very hard, never thought life could be so lonely on my own x

Hi Ann,
I hope you are getting through things the best you can, I think thats all we can do, I have not seen my das for 20 odd years and he only contacted me when mum was dying. I had a few calls from and to him but nothing for a couple if mths now. He is unfortunately a selfish peeson and always has been but I still had 12 years with him as a child and although some of that time was spent having me and my brothers heads smashed against walls to find out who had took a few pennies from them or our thighs squeezed bas punishment for wetting the bed! I wonder why you ask?, we still also had good times playing and going for country walks seeing animals in the fields. I owe him my love of tge countryside for that and forgive him as I do believe in his ignorance he thought he was trying to disapline us and omly knew that way.
Anyway due to all this I don’t feel I need to see him, I want to only remember the good from the past and don’t want to add to bad memories, so I am just leaving it and waiting for the call to say he has died then hopefully I can go to his funeral, although I’m not even sure if going to that now. I think I although forgive him, maybe don’t think he deserves the same or anywhere near the same attention as mum did.
I have also finally had a really good long cry on my own remembering the details of the last 2 weeks of mums life and how she looked etc and I think that has been a turning point for me accepting the pain.
As you say everyone is individual and deals with things differently.
Take care
Debbie

Hi Elaine.

I am very sorry you are struggling. That is what this site is here for though. I find it a great help writing down how I am feeling and knowing that other people on here understand. You are not alone. Xx

Hi Debbie

Gosh. You have had such a lot to deal with. It is good you got a love for the countryside from him though. I think you are doing the right thing remembering the positives. I get great comfort from nature now as you feel part of a bigger thing. Shame it is so bitterly cold today otherwise a nice long walk would do us all good.

Keep posting. I think it will do us all good.

Ann xx

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