Trying to put into how I feel, emotionally broken having to focus on getting on with life seems so overwhelming!
Losing my mum on the 9th of June 23 and then losing my dad 2nd July 23, ( present at both passing feeling so alone )
I am now at this stage of feeling guilty putting them into hospital perhaps I should have acted sooner? I was so Busy arranging double funeral and now
Theres nothing but constant reminders, flashbacks, smells when entering my childhood family home.
To me it Seems so unfair and how everything just carries on regardless even when I’m truly broken but fed up of being the strong one in the family… I feel I have to prentend to everyone I’m fine !
I’ve taken a two week holiday and returning to the uk has hit me like a sledgehammer. I feel the need to do everything asap including ashes, probate, clearing house … to move on wondering if this is normal.
My deepest condolences to you, 
I am wondering how much more a person has to take and I’m sure you’re feeling much the same although you know the path you are taking at the moment is one on sheer struggle and take’s strength to carry on stepping.
Yes
I totally get that peace to get on with your children ( that’s how I feel) I’ve done nothing but care for mum and dad ( they left a hole so big … trying so desperately to fill it with routine stuff but somethings always gets in the way, Even now that they have gone companies ringing wanting stuff relating to mum & dad
Like you want to hide and scream and feel nonexistent sometimes.
I’m scatting ashes tomorrow with just myself & brother who is in pieces. ( staying strong again )
My partner has arranged a my family barbecue at our house on Sunday, ( his side of the family … knowing I have no family left 
I’ve told him I don’t feel up to it,
His answer it’s life you need to move on . 
Speechless 
Hoping for a change of heart as I’m not going to be up for it !
For obvious reasons!