This is the first time I’ve posted in a while. My mum died in February, and I have found myself experiencing really raw and acute grief again recently. I miss her so much, and even 8 months on I am nowhere near beginning to come to terms with her dying.
I have had times when things have seemed more manageable - I work full-time, I have seen friends and have started to try and do some of the things that I used to enjoy again. Some of it works, some of the time. But in recent weeks I have been crying a lot, and wanting to just crawl under a blanket and let the world go on without me - everything feels so hard again.
Just today I was wondering - what do I do with all the memories that only mum shared with me? Memories of times and places and people that my siblings don’t remember because they are younger. Mum and I would remember and talk about them and share them, but now she’s gone there’s only me to remember, and it feels so lonely. Some of them are so vivid, but they don’t mean anything to anyone else - no-one else knows or understands, not because they don’t care but because they aren’t relevant to them. And today I looked at their wonderful wedding photo and thought who would even care about that now? It was nearly 60 years ago, a time and a place long ago that no-one left remembers. What do we do - how do we make sense of these things?
Dear NPM,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father, and I am struggling as well. I think that the memories live until we live. And maybe after our death, because I think, we can tell our memories to other people who can see a good model in these stories, and this is the way how we and our memories, stories live more and more. One of my friend told me that for her my father was the model how to move from a milieu with only the person’s inner strengh. Maybe not everybody cares these memories, but if one person is interesting about them, that’s enough. Take care.
Thank you @Apu and I am so sorry about your father - it can be such a struggle. I have shared some of my memories with people, and that does help. I also write down some of them, so that they feel real if that makes sense. People have said lovely things about both my parents, so I know that they are remembered even beyond me, and you are right - if even one person remembers they are living on.
Imagine, after my dad died, we found a booklet in a room on the bookshelves, in which my father wrote down his memories about his life - like a curriculum, but it wasn’t so objektive. At the funeral the speaker read this writing, that was the main part of the commemoration. This way the other people who didn’t know him as much as me for example knew him for other side. And my great plan that I will make a little broschure from our chats about "what is the purpose of life? and so questions. This thought gives me calm in my heart.
NPM My mom just passed 16 days ago. Do not want to burden my friends with such sad talk, but I can’t stop crying. We were so very close to. Would you be interested in chatting privately?
hi NPM
I’m the same I lost my mam March 3rd and I still can’t comprehend it. I know what u mean about memories…there’s only u and her that remembers like me and my mam. I miss her telling me stories about when she was younger from growing up to going out. I loved listening to hearing her tell me stories about me about when I was a baby, her face would light up when she talked about them memories. She must of told me some of the same stories about 10 times but I wish she was still here to tell me them 10 more times. …I’m still at the point where I’m hiding in bed and shutting the world out every other afternoon to cope just to shut the world out, gather my thoughts and cry if I need to xx