My mum had been living with dementia for about 8yrs. The last 2 yrs in a cre home which broke my heart with guilt because she always said never put me in a home.
The last year or so she had no idea who any of the family were. I didn’t visit very often because it hurt so much.
I feel that I lost mum a long time ago but wasn’t allowed to grieve. Now I don’t know how to feel. I have such a tangle of emotions that I don’t know what to do with. I have not cried much.
Although now that I am writing this the tears wont stop falling. I want to scream and scream.
On top of everything 18month ago I found out that my sister who had power of attorney had taken over £50,000 from mums bank account. I cannot confront her about this because she is still being investigated and I am not allowed to tip her off.
I am dreading the funeral on Tuesday when I have to pretend and be nice with her!.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
I have been reading other peoples stories and wish I could say something to support them. I have a terrible admission about the poor people who are suddenly bereaved. I feel awful to admit that although I feel huge empathy for them, I am also jealous because they didn’t have to witness the incredibly painful slow disintegration
of a strong person into a virtual zombie.
Im sorry, that is a terrible thing to think, but unfortunately that is my feeling.
Take care everyone
I am sharing some tears with you now, I agree it’s inhumane watching someone you love striped of all humanity. The images of mum in her last months haunt me everyday I howl every morning and she died 11 months ago.
It’s only been three weeks so much for you to process, please be kind to yourself .
Hi olive.
Sending hugs.
I am trying to think about how mum was before she was taken piece by piece. I feel sad because she worked in a mental hospital and I know that she never wanted to end that way.
I feel that I let her down but I had no choice.
I believe that she would want to be remembered for who she was. I have sent some funny stories to the vicar for the eulogy.
At the moment I cannot get the images of her just before she died out of my head but I really hope that over time we will be able to remember the real person and special family member that they were.
Take care x