Daffy,
When I left the hospital my mum was right as rain. Looking forward to getting her surgery over with and coming home. In the next 2 hours something went veth wrong and I never saw her again. I do wonder what happened to her in that period? I can only go by the fact that the post mortem said she had a spontaneous bleed on the brain with no fault attributed to the hospital or her surgery.
Does it make me feel satisfied? No. But what can I do?
You and I will always wonder what happened to our mums in the couple of hours we weren’t with them. It eats me up daffy.
I try and remind myself that mum was very tired and weary in recent weeks and that her body probably did let her down. But there will always be a nagging doubt and it just adds to the misery.
I spend all my waking moments, even now fully in disbelief that she left me that day x
So traumatic for all of us. Our mum’s were so brave. I feel I can’t explain how I’m feeling very well to people who have still got their mum’s. Knowing you all know exactly what I’m going through really helps. This is like a haven from time which waits for no one. The days are whizzinh by but im still stuck on that day not sure if that makes sense lol. Just how I’m feeling x
I don’t think any of us let our mums down. We are all here because we love our mums so much. It is love that makes us feel like we’ve let them down and couldn’t prevent their suffering. I feel as guilty as any of you for letting my mum down. I don’t believe anyone is actually guilty. Whatever happened, they are not coming back and that is the horrible reality. I cannot wrap my head around it but I can get angry and confused quite easily.
I could have been a better son, I could have done things better, I could have acted sooner and got my mum to do something different. If she was here now, she’d tell me I did everything I could have for her. Your mums I have no doubt would have said the same about you. You are all lovely people and you don’t deserve to be beating yourselves up about it. Now if only I could follow some of my own advice.
Thank you for replying C1971. My Mum was certainly showing some signs of age too. I remember my Mum saying when my Dad passed “that there was nothing that could be done. He was getting old”. The way she described it helped me come to terms with it. I’m trying to view my Mum the same way, except she did not seem ready to go!
The paramedics said when they took Mum in that they did not have normal equipment due to cut-backs. The ward seemed very understaffed. There were other issues, which really should not have happened.
You’re right, there’s no changing the outcome. I agree with Autumn, It is traumatic for us all,
We all need to take care of ourselves.
Shaun what your saying is spot on. I am having those guilt feelings about doing things better. My mum too would be saying the same. They are gone and nothing can be done about it. No ticket available to go back in time. I just want to sleep all the time but kids are keeping me busy which is a good thing x
Daffy so sorry they didn’t have everything on board for what was needed. We were let down by the palliative care line. We couldn’t get through. Mum needed morphine and relaxant because her breathing got out of hand as she was going. Ended up calling ambulance who also tried getting through to the care line and couldn’t. The 3 paramedics were lovely and came at 230 ambut was restricted to what they could do as mum’s on palliative care. They gave her oxygen and had to ring 111 to tell them to bring nurse…nurse didn’t come til 6am but those paramedics stayed with us and their oxygen the whole time. They told us to dim lights put mum’s favourite music on and talk about her life. Weird thing is one of them had just come back to work as couple months before had also lost her husband to a brain tumour. She said she knows exactly how we are feeling. They were fantastic. When nurse finally came at 6am she said there wasn’t a prob with phone lines… go figure!! The paramedics stuck up for us and said they’d tried to get through aswell. Nurse gave mum morphine and relaxant. Then mum died 10mins lster 
Autumn, it sounds traumatic.
Sorry, my post might have been a bit misleading. Mum did make it to hospital ok. She was in two days before it all ended badly. (I did believe she was coming home, until her shocking sudden heart attack.)
My Mum was also given something i think called a syringe driver, which has the painkiller. The moment I saw them attach it, I knew she would not have too long left. She passed away half an hour later.
It’s a shock isnt it. My mum had syringe driver too. All these new medical things we learn along the way. It sounds heartbraking for you. Big hugs x
It’s a terrible shock. I wonder how long it will take for the shock to pass.
A big hug to you too Autumn and also everyone else on this thread.
Hello, Cheryl,
Bereavement counselling didn’t do anything for me, either. My surgery suggested it, but the lady who came (6weeks), whilst a really nice lady, could only talk about her own bereavement.
Not good.
Mary