Mum died a few weeks ago

No not sure if I’m doing this correctly. Technology not my best skill. Well…its nearly 2am and finding today one of those difficult days. My mum died September this year. She was only 58. She went in hospital with stroke symtoms but after a few tests found out it was a brain tumour. She lived a month after diagnosis. We managed to get her home for her final couple of weeks. It paralysed her. She couldn’t eat. Wee or talk. Her secretions got really bad. Think I’m still in shock. Was holding her hand and talking to her when she died. My dad and sister was there too. feel traumatised from it. Thank you for reading. Sorry if I put this in the wrong place xx

Hi autumn,

I’m so sorry for the sudden loss of your mum. 58 is no age at all and life is completely and utterly unfair.
My mum went to hospital on the 2nd june with stroke symptoms. Sure enough, she had suffered a mini stroke but was doing really well and was discharged on the 7th june. She had a load of medications to take but was hardly affected by what had happened. Out of the blue on the 13th mum suffered a brain hemorrhage and we turned her life support off the following day. Life has been a blur ever since.
I still feel traumatised and 5 months has passed now. I went to my GP and was placed on a waiting list for CBT. I have my first session this week.
Perhaps you could explore this option?
It really is such a hard time for you and you hardly had time to get used to her diagnosis before she was gone.
This site has been amazing and really good therapy sharing my story with so many others who have also lost their mums recently.
Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl. Thank you for your lovely message. So sorry that you’re going through this too. I keep thinking about going to the drs. Haven’t heard of CBT but will certainly look into it. Hope it helps you ease the grief. I keep going to ring my mum then realise she’s not here. Such a horrible feeling x

Hi Autumn,
So sorry to hear about your loss. That is simply not fair is it? Time and time again I read about how traumatic death is for people and I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through the pain of losing your mum in those circumstances. I lost my own mum 12 weeks ago today and I’m battling against reliving the memories of that day. I lost my mum on the last day of a family holiday. She was with us, and in the space of an hour or two from when I woke up and I discovered she had breathing difficulties, she had died. It was traumatic beyond belief as it was for many people here who had to helplessly watch their loved ones go.
I have no doubt that your emotions are all over the place. It hasn’t been long for you at all and speaking from not much experience at all, I believe it’s a fairly long and emotional road ahead. You can of course travel with us here where these is lots of support and people who really understand anything you say.
I hope you getting some good support from those around you and are freely able to talk through things. I’ve always found that to be good therapy to get it all of my chest with people who are good listeners and maybe have been through it themselves.
Shaun x

Hello, Autumn.
I’m sorry for your loss. My Mum suddenly passed away just over 7 weeks ago due to pneumonia and a massive heart attack. I’m still in shock and i think I’m traumatized by it all too. You are not alone.
I read somewhere that having grief therapy too early could do more harm that good. I would suggest that you let time pass a little while before start any.
There’s a lovely group of people here who understand what you are going through.


I think daffy is right. Bereavement counselling has done nothing for me and the CBT that I am starting is more about anxieties I developed in the last few years, so nothing to do with mum, although the symptoms have been a bit worse.
I developed claustrophobia in the last couple of years, will not use lifts, sometimes get panicky if I feel restricted. 2 weeks ago my zip got stuck on my coat in a hot shop. I panicked and ripped my coat open.
What an idiot. I was straight into marks buying a new coat with my 12 year old rolling her eyes.
Cognitive behavioural therapy is about retraining thoughts and overcoming negativity and I’m hoping this will also help with my traumatic memories of mums death x

Sorry I meant autumn…not elle.
That’s a different thread x

As an ex counsellor if may I suggest that in the very early stages of grief CBT may not be a good idea. I have nothing against CBT, and many have found it a great help in anxiety, but the jury is still out as to whether it helps the early stages of bereavement. You would do far better to consult a bereavement counsellor. Bereavement counsellors are trained in this very specific form of counselling. CBT practitioners are trained mainly in anxiety and all its facets, not grief
Now this is a very personal opinion, but it is shared by many counsellors. Counsellors often go on and train in bereavement, but this is additional training. Doctors will offer CBT because there are no bereavement counselling sites on the NHS. I may be wrong now as I’m a bit out of touch. Of course, after a while when things subside a bit anxiety may come. CBT could then be very useful. I must say again in case I get into trouble. This is a personal view and may not apply in every case. Take care.

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Thanks Jonathan.
I’m not finding bereavement counselling useful but that doesnt mean others wont. I think, like others the grief is so hard in the first days and weeks that we are desperate to try anything that might help.
The CBT I am waiting for is for anxiety issues and I’m not pinning much luck on it either but it’s useful to get an input from someone much more in the know like yourself.
Cheryl x

If it’s for anxiety then give it a go. Many have good results from it. It gets you asking questions about your thoughts. ‘Why do you think that will happen’? ‘What will be the outcome if I do that’? etc. There have been many developments in CBT over the recent years, but none of it is free except the NHS one.
I have no doubt bereavement will come up, but even then the question and answer method may help.
What have you to lose. Best of luck and I would be interested to know how it goes. Kind regards. John.

I will let you know Jonathan

I know it’s not quite the same, but there are Audible CBT books.

Thanks daffy
I will see how my face to face sessions go.

Cheryl x

Hi shaun. It’s so horrible isn’t it. My mum too before she died started gasping for air. Still keep re living it. I had nightmares for a week afterwards. Was scared to go sleep. I’m pushing people away at the moment and going off to my own lil space away from everything. This page is so comforting x

Hi John. My best friend has done counselling too who’s also called john. He’s told me exactly the same as what you have. Just having to ride this rollercoaster of emotions for now I suppose. I’m avoiding all my friends and not wanting to mix but this group is ideal because there’s no pressure. Hopefully it’ll work for me. Something has to. I’m trying to avoid antidepressants for now. None of my family live nearby either which makes it harder. Thank you for your advice x

C2971 I too have become anxious. Cognitive behaviour therapy…will Google it. Thank you xx

Daffy 123 thank you. Yes still early days for us yet. So sorry for all of you going through same as me. I had a full term stillbirth 9 years ago and first person I wanted when I found out was my mum. Didn’t realise 9 years from that date would be her funeral. Same date as I found out my baby had died x

You are all so lovely and compassionate. Thank you xxx

When I left my Mum at the hospital at closing time, she was struggling to breathe. She was also very anxious. I’ve have no idea what happened in the following 2.5 hours, except that she was behind a curtain and out of sight. She ended up having a massive heart attack. I have no idea how long it took staff, to find her in that condition. The brought her back after 8.30 minutes, but the damage to the brain was done.
This afternoon, I actually had half an hour where I didn’t think about it all. A first in 7 weeks. And then it came back with a huge rush. I ended up very distressed again. It feels like a nightmare.
It’s good to know, that we are going through very similar, if not exactly the same emotions.
Autumn, I’m hiding and avoiding friends. It feels like I’m on a very different path to them. They are still going about their normal lives. I’m so sorry about the loss of both your baby and your still young Mum. It’s very sad.


That’s terrible, you have been through an awful time. I’m sure your baby and mum are together again x