Mum died last month and I found out that she left me £500 and everything else was left to my alcoholic brother. he lived with her and abused her. he took money off her his entire life despite having a v well paid job. I was mums emotional crux my entire life, and have done nothing wrong. she pushed me away as she got frail, and I could do nothing right. I feel so many mixed emotions - I want to grieve her but am angry and feel so rejected. I am a mess. I am getting counselling but am rely hurting.
it’s all so unfair. it’s the rejection that’s really hurting me as I cared for my mum, and my brother is really evil. the police were investigating him for abuse but had to drop the case as my mum retracted her statement. I knew she would.
Hi Isobel, I’m sorry for your loss of your Mum. Losing our mums is heartbreaking. Whatever our age I always feel we still need our mums. It’s so nice for you to be able to say you had a good relationship with her for all your life, in that you was her ‘emotional crux’. She must have trusted you lots in order for her to be able to open up to you in that way and rely on your support so many times throughout your life. That’s a big compliment from your mum to you. In my experience many people withdraw when they become more frail. Often they do that because they’re protecting us in their own way from additional worry and responsibility that they think we may feel with regards us looking after them. Why do you feel she rejected you. Maybe your mum felt she had relied on you enough already throughout your life and thought it was time your brother did his share and made some effort towards caring for her. She could have been thinking she was doing the best thing for you by giving you a break. I would try to think positively about her decisions rather than negatively and focus on your relationship with her long term rather than at the end of her life. Our mums are precious and to feel anger towards her will not benefit your already heartbreaking situation. Focus on the fact that you cared for her at various points throughout her life. That is such a good feeling when we know we did our best for those we love and when we know we always supported them as and when needed. I personally think peace of mind, at any time but, particularly when a person has died, is pretty priceless.
I hope you can let go of the anger and feelings of rejection and try to think that she had your best interests at heart and spared you the worry and responsibility of caring for her as she became more frail.