Mum died on boxing day

I am so glad to find a place I can share what I am feeling. My mum passed away on Boxing Day it was all quite sudden even though she had COPD she was coping quite well with it. She woke up Xmas eve with breathing difficulties and my dad called an ambulance she had bronchitis and was too weak to fight it, 3 days later she’s gone.
I literally feel like my heart has broken, I have such a heaviness in my chest I don’t quite know what to do with myself. I have 2 children and a husband and trying to carry on day to day stuff feels impossible.
I am overwhelmed and exhausted. Any advice on coping mechanisms would be much appreciated x

Hi Mummapass

So sorry you hear about your Mum. You must be in shock as it was so recent. The feeling of heaviness in your chest and being overwhelmed is common to everyone on this site. My husband died unexpectedly only 2 months ago and I am still struggling every day. I found reading the earlier posts on here very helpful as you realise you are not on your own and there is always someone to listen and respond.

I hope someone who is further on than me will give you some helpful advice. I just wanted you to know that we all understand the pain you are going through.


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Hi Mummapass im very sorry for your loss .I get through it this way .Take it day by day only plan things you have to ie legal stuff .Keep coming back here we all understand and this special club never closes.Try find some me time because unfortunately your nightmare will patiently wait for you to return to it .Your heart body and mind need to have escapism at times .Dont feel guilty if you laugh at something your body needs this release .Maybe chat in pm with a member or members (i do at times .All the best Colin (im 58 my darling wife passed 04032016 on her 41st birthday )

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Hi Sweetheart. It’s still very early days, and you will be feeling completely wrecked and shocked. My Mum died under very similar circumstances just over a year ago, and I totally understand how you’re feeling just now. I promise you, it does get easier. I tried bereavement counselling, which helped in that I felt I wasn’t going completely cuckoo, but I didn’t warm to the counsellor, she seemed to be too interested in issues I felt were very unconnected. Time helps. It’s a cliche because it’s true. Anniversaries, birthdays, last visits, and of course “the day”, pass and you stop thinking, “This time last week, month, year …”. My big advice is don’t turn to the bottle. You’ve kids at home, so I guess that is hopefully not as much an option for you. Look after your Dad, but do take any opportunities to talk and reminisce about your Mum. It does help. Take comfort from knowing that your mother wouldn’t want you to be in pain … she was your Mum after all! In my case, it’s taken this time to surface above the fun of sorrow. You will get there. Day to day life has to go on. Definitely recommend getting a copy of “Grief Works” by Julia Samuel. Hugs via the ether. X

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FUG of sorrow! Not a lot of fun.

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So sorry to hear of your loss. I’ve found a great facebook page called 'motherless daughter’s the people understand as we’re ‘all in the same boat’. My Mum passed away February last year after a 2 week illness. A piece of me went with her, but I know I have to go on cause that’s what she would want me to do. So I honour her memory. I won’t say it gets easier, but you cope daily, you laugh and cry, remember the good times…I have so many happy memories to look back on. Talk about her…Talk to her. All this has helped me. I hope you find peace within. Take care. There’s always someone ready to listen.

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Dear Mummapass
My mum died in February last year. She was 92 and I had been a full-time carer since I retired 5 years before she died. The caring role was taking its toll on me so my GP put me on anti-depressants about six months before she passed. I don’t think I could have got through it without them - she died at home and watching it was horrendous. I am still on the anti-depressants now and just live in a blank numbed sort of muddle. The thing that seems to upset me most is that I haven’t been incapacitated by grief. I worry it’s a sign that I didn’t love her enough or that I’ll soon forget her. I have promised myself I will be faithful to her and am collecting all my memories and photos into a blog which I work on every day.

I read a lot of sad, miserable poetry which helps and I’m trying to rekindle the religious faith of my childhood, but I don’t feel I’ve any particular words of wisdom to offer you. The only thing I would say - and I have said it to others on this forum - is that I have nothing but the deepest respect for someone who loves and misses their mum so much. You sound to me like a very devoted daughter.

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My mam passed on 29/12/2017 with copd didn’t know she had it till 10 days before she had a chest infection and dad couldn’t wake her went to hospital nearly lost her she pulled through was doing great the just died my dad found her in bed can’t get my head round it it’s so hard sorry for your loss x

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Sorry to hear of your loss my husband died late 2015 and then my dad died middle of 2016 I then lost another relative august this year and I have had to deal with it on my own as my son lives abroad just take each day as it comes but look after your own health it does get easier


Hello I can really relate to how you are feeling, my mum passed away 29th December of copd although it was expected for the last 6 months and I have 2 little girls to look after and it’s incredibly overwealming and like you I feel exhausted and drained. I think all you can do is take things day at a time and be kind to yourself. So very sorry for your loss x

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Dear Mummapass, My heartfelt sympathies on the loss of your Mum. I lost mine in October 2015, and can totally understand your feelings. Take each day at a time… sometimes you won’t feel like doing anything, and other times you may have the energy to do things. Don’t beat yourself up over things you can’t do - grief affects everyone in different ways. I felt completely lost without my Mum and very overwhelmed, and cried all the time - sometimes didn’t even want to get out of bed or go out. I found this site incredibly useful as there are people here who are grieving and trying to come to terms with their loss and a place you can open up. You are not alone. It’s just over 2 years for me, now, and I am only just coming to terms with the sadness. Be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time, and call upon those closest to you - whether it’s to cry or to laugh, or just lots of hugs… don’t bottle up your feelings. Here’s a big hug being sent to you right now. x

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Thanks everyone I’ve just been taking it Day by day, funeral is tomorrow and I am feeling very anxious x

Thinking of you for tomorrow xx

Very sad day for you today… thinking of you. x

Hi, ive only just found this site. My mum died in December, like your mum she had copd but was suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer and died 2 weeks later. Like you, I have 2 children and a husband. I work and am totally heart broken and find it so hard to get through the days. I find it hard to cope with my children’s grief. We saw my mum every day and I feel like part of me is missing. I simply can’t believe my mum isn’t here. I’m sorry that I can’t offer you anything positive but i just wanted you to know that someone else is going through the same as you. I saw your post and could relate to you. It’s just so traumatic, so devastating and yet you have to get up every day and carry on. The only way I am coping at the moment is by taking one day at a time. I cry every day and I try to make sure the children get to school and their clubs. Small achievement but it’s all I can do at the moment. Just trying not to put myself under any pressure. And, yes, totally exhausted and finding it really hard to get motivated to do anything other than what I have to…work and sort my children out. It’s just awful xx