Mum died suddenly of a brain haemorrhage

Hey everyone, I am Carly. I am a 34 year old Mum of two. I lost my best friend, my Mum in October 2020 suddenly due to a brain haemorrhage. It has been incredibly traumatic. I have had counselling but I am looking to meet people that know how I feel as I still feel really alone and as if no one I know understands me.

Hi Carly

My 74 year old mum suffered a brain hemorrhage in June 2019. She died a few hours later.

I still struggle with the trauma of watching her being blue lighted to kings college hospital to be told within minutes of arrival that there was nothing they could do.

My mum was energetic, funny and full of life. I’ve lost my best friend and my daughter lost her beloved nan.

I completely understand. I tried bereavement counselling but hated it and the only way I have moved forward is to keep myself busy with work, childcare and the house.

Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl,

Thank you so much for your reply. I know what you mean, I can see it all and play it all out in my head as clear as day.

My Mum never regained consciousness as was declared brain dead the same day. The counselling helped as my previous PTSD was triggered by Mum dying which did help. But I really want to find people like myself who know how I feel. Because saying ‘I miss my mum, it feels like there is a huge whole inside me’ to people that don’t understand feels like I am being annoying.

Carly xx

Hi Carly

I took my mum to a hospital in Kent for a minor op to clear an artery blockage. I dropped her off and went shopping to stock up on wine for our holiday.

The hospital said they would call me to let me know when mum was ready to collect. Instead, I got a call telling me that my mum had suffered a severe bleed on the brain and that I should come immediately. My mum was in a coma, conveyed to london and declared brain dead the following day.

I was in complete and utter shock for weeks. In fact I probably still am. My mum was the youngest of 6 siblings by many years and was going to live till she was 90 (in my head anyway)

The post mortem concluded that it was a complete coincidence that she was in hospital and that her op had nothing to do with it. Apparently it would have happened if she had been sitting at home. For that i am grateful.

It’s just the living without them isnt it? No one ever asks how I am. No one mentions my mum anymore.

I see my aunts and uncles on Facebook enjoying life in their mid to late 80s and I feel bitter.

What happened to your mum?

Cheryl x

Oh Cheryl, I know exactly how you feel. My mum turned 66 last September. She was so young, not just at heart. She worked full time, was an incredible Mum and Grandma. She was a carer for her own 86 year old Mum, putting her life at the back of all of us. On October 1st 2020 at 10am I had a phone call from my cousin. My Mum hadn’t turned up to work (she ran the office for her brother’s building company) and they had gone to her house and could see her through the window but couldn’t get her to answer the door. I drove the 20 minutes to her house in tears, I just knew she wouldn’t be ok. When I got there I let the ambulance and police in. She was lying on her bed, kindle in hand with a coffee mug next to her bed. there was dried blood from her nose and she was making a noise similar to snoring. She was taken to hospital and scanned and ultimately she had had a bleed at the base of her head at the back. She would have been slowly bleeding for a week with no idea other than the odd headache. It would have just popped and taken her but she wouldn’t have felt anything. We turned her lifesupport off the next day and it took her 5 hours and 45 minutes to pass away. Gasping for breath whilst holding my hand. I’m told she felt no pain and had no idea but I am so broken.

Like you her brothers and sister carry on with their lives. I understand, what else is there to do but the hole I feel inside of me is horrendous. I can’t believe my amazing Mum is gone, that she won’t hug me or tell me I’ll be ok again. I feel relief that she didn’t know it was going to happen as I don’t think she would have told me anyway but I feel cheated I couldn’t say goodbye. That I couldn’t tell her how amazing she was and how thankful I was to have her as my Mum. xx

I agree Carly.

However, time has made me realise that I would never have wanted to say ‘goodbye’ to my mum.

Although I dont mind admitting that I feel cheated too and very bitter (we lost my dad to a massive heart attack when he was 53)

I am grateful that my mum didnt suffer, she didnt know what happened ( I’m told shd just slipped into unconciousness whilst talking to the doctor in the recovery room after her op) and that she enjoyed her life right up to the hours before her death. She didnt suffer a terminal illness and wasnt waiting to die.

She did all my childcare and had more energy than my partner and I put together.

I’m sorry for the trauma you went through. Like you, knew mum wouldn’t be ok. But I dreaded something like this for 20 years after what happened to my dad.

I still sit and think what the hell happened?

We were laughing and joking in the hospital.

Life isn’t fair thats for sure x

No you are right. It’s the most traumatic way for those left behind but not those it happens to and in honesty we wouldn’t want them going through that it just is such a hard pill to swallow. Sounds like our Mums would have got on. They both had a lease for life I could only dream of having xx

That’s lovely x