Mum died suddenly

Hi, I lost my mum suddenly on 1st Feb so only a few days ago. I am really struggling with dealing with the mixed emotions and honestly feel like I’m losing my mind. She was rushed to hospital 3 weeks ago,she was suffering with pneumonia and sepsis.the following week she was diagnosed with cancer,that was already widespread and nothing could be done. Early hours of Monday morning we got the call to say to come in and say our goodbyes, we tried to get there as quick as possible but she died 10 minutes before we got there. Everything has happened so fast and it feels like I havnt had chance to catch up. The guilt, anger and just pure loss I feel is horrendous. I have family around me yet feel so alone.

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Hello Anna, I am so sorry for the recent loss of your dear Mum - it is a huge shock when it happens and you are still in the very early days of trying to process everything. There will be all sorts of thoughts and emotions in your head, and all the feelings of loss, guilt, loneliness are natural and you need to go through these feelings as part of the grief process - if you can cry, let the tears come, there is no shame, and if it happens when you least expect it, don’t feel embarrassed - I have found even strangers have been extremely supportive. It is a truly awful time, and the current virus restrictions make it feel so much worse due to the isolation of friends and family. I found keeping in touch with friends and family has helped - there may be just one person who gives you that support that you really need - let them help you. It’s an extremely hard time, especially these early days, but you’ll be guided through it. I lost my Mum 3 months ago, and the hurt is still there, but I can honestly say I have experienced the different stages of grief over that time - it can feel all too much but the important thing is to talk with just someone who will understand and provide you with some comfort. Remember that you are not alone, and I do understand your pain. Take care …

Hi Anna4,

Sorry for the loss of your mum. I lost my funny, fit and active mum to a sudden brain haemorrhage 19 months ago.
With regards to your mum dying just before you got there, I would take comfort from this.
It has been reported many times on this forum that out loved ones die just before we get there, or just as we have nipped home to get a shower, or just as we get a cup of tea from the canteen.
It’s very much a accepted that our loved ones particularly our mums, dont want us to see them die.

My mum was on life support for a day, between suffering the brain hemorrhage and doctors being able to check and confirm that there was no brain activity.
I chose not to see my mum like that and I know that she would have been horrified at the thought of me being there watching her in that state.
She wasnt alone. My aunt and cousins were with her but I think she would have been pleased that I wasnt.

Cheryl x

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Hi Anna.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s awful when it happens so suddenly. Your post struck a chord with me as my mums death was very similar to your mums. She too had pneumonia/chest infection and was admitted to hospital. Only to find out she had cancer widespread . She died just two days later after her cancer diagnosis.

I can tell you that your mum probably knew very little as to what was happening. And that she would have died quickly and peacefully. She knew her family had been around her throughout her hospital stay. A lot of patients die in this manner quickly and during the night. I was with mum in her final hours just by pure luck really. (If you can call it luck) and I don’t think she knew we were there. She was completely unresponsive.

Try not to focus on her final hours. Focus on her life and the love you gave her. It’s been 18 months since my mum passed. I miss her dreadfully. The loss never really goes away. But the shock and rawness does ease over time. It took me a long time to come to terms with how my mum died. I had bereavement counselling which helped massively. Something you might consider in the future. But not yet as it’s too soon. But defiantly in the next few months

Be kind to yourself. You will feel every emotion possibly. And you will feel like you are going mad. That you are alone. You will feel angry and the pain is excruciating. But somehow. We do get through it. It’s a slow process. But it does ease over time. .

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