Mum doesnt understood

I lost my dad in march 2023, initially i really struggled, then after a couple of months of feeling hopeless and lost, I found myself starting to ‘live’ again.
I still sometimes find myself feeling very sad, especially at certain times like Christmas and new year.
My husband has been very supportive but dont want to keep talking to him about it as i want to be happy and dont want to spoil his days anymore. But i now feel i cant talk to anyone about how i feel.
Also toake things worse, although my mum and dad were married for over 50 years, she is absolutely fine (or so she says!).
Shes going on holiday by herself, celebrating new year etc. and doesnt ever mention him.
Whenever i have said that im sad, she says shes glad hes not in pain anymore, and of course so am i, but that doesnt help me, and i just feel like im being told to get on with it!
Shes always so jolly and positive (and shes never really been a jolly person!).
i dont know whether its an act or whether she really feels like that. Im struggling to cope with her attitude. She comes across as cold and uncaring. If i tell my husband how i feel, he says she is putting on a show and is probably sad and lonely, but it feels so hurtful that shes appearing to be loving life and not missing him at all. I know i should be pleased for her and glad shes coping and my head tells me i am, but my heart hurts every time i hear about how great her life is!


@Coz87 grief is complicated and everyone copes in their own way. Obviously being positive and busy can be a distraction from sorrow so maybe this is your Mum’s way of coping. Past generations had different ideas of death and grief. My Mum certainly had a ‘life goes on and you just have to get on with it’ attitude when my Dad died in 2014. She obviously did feel very sad but rarely let it show. In conversation she would focus on mainly happy memories from the past. I would say be pleased that your Mum seems to be managing her grief well and focus on your own strategies. Best wishes xx

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