Hi am new here and just joined. Not sure this is the right place for this post. My Mum has severe Alzheimers so have lost parts of her over the years. Shes always been my world and we were very close always. She’s gotten worse and mainly sleep, not holding food or drink in mouth. Dr found chest infection, injected antibiotics. Not really awake any more. I asked about a drip but Dr said it would just prolong it. My Dad and Sis say its for the best but its been days now withoyt her having any drink or food and its pure torture seeing her this way. We all thought she’d pass quite quickly. They say it could be awhile yet. This is in the Care home. I feel angry, guilty, anxiety going through roof at times as well as the impending loss. Feel like we made wrong decision and she should’ve been on a drip in Hosp. Cant help thinking what ifs. She had nothing else wrong. No one has said she definitely lost the ability to swallow. I cant sit and watch her die anymore. So have had to take myself away for abit today. Even though i should be doing my shift and being with her. Last night i felt panicked, anxiety and every 5mins felt like an hr. All i see is her dying face and hearing her rapid breathing. Why is dying so cruel. Why is it taking so long. My sis says she sleep so its nice!! I see it as cruel and complete torture for her. Please remove if this type of post not allowed. I just dont know where else to go to. Someone else must’ve dealt with this? The loss itself is going to be equally heartbreaking.
Hello Sunflowers26,
I’m Abi, and I’m part of the Online Community team. I wanted to say thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few resources which might be helpful right now.
- Our Supporting someone at the end-of-life pages contain practical advice for those helping someone close to death and information about what you can expect when death is near.
- Our Anticipatory grief page talks about the feelings associated with grief in the days, months or years before someone dies. This is known as anticipatory grief, as you are grieving for someone who is still alive.
Alzheimer’s Society offer advice and support to people affected by dementia. You can call their Dementia Support Line free on 0333 150 3456.
I hope you find the community a good source of support to you.
Take good care - you are not alone.
Abi
So sorry. Just a quick response to say that my grandma passed from pneumonia and alzheimers in a care home and if I recall correctly (it was some years ago: 2008) they kept her mouth moist with drops of water / a wet sponge. I have no idea whether this is still routine practice. Hopefully others on this forum will know more. 
My Dad died of complications of Parkinson’s and was unconscious for 5 days before he died. We used water to moisten his lips and he was very peaceful and calm. He wanted to die in his own house and he did. We always jokingly say what finished him off was me reading the details of Donald Trumps impeachment from the newspaper!
It was a peaceful passing and what he wanted
Thank you Abi. That was helpful.
Burgled. Sorry about your Grandma. Yes Carehome dip a toothbrush to use in her mouth and some lip salve for her lips.
Sorry about your Dad. Am glad that you can joke about the timing with Trump. I can’t stand him either. My Mum is still conscious. When they use the toothbrush with water for her mouth, her mouth reacts. Makes me think again shes literally dying of thirst. Sorry. 
I’m sorry about what you are going through. I just lost my beloved mum yesterday, although it was not from the old age, she also stopped eating and then stopped drinking. When person is preparing g to depart, body is naturally rejecting food, as their body no longer is able to process digestion. As long as your dear grandma is not in pain, you can feel assured that she is in good place. It’s awful to see them deteriorating so fast. The hope is for them go peaceful in their sleep. Sending hugs and extra strength your way x
I’m so very sorry you’re going through this and it truly is torture to just sit and wait. It’s probably the hardest thing we ever have to do for the ones we love. 
I’ve been through it with my dad and like you I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to stop the drip. Every person’s circumstances are different and since you struggle with the decision, please talk to the doctor and ask him or her to explain the reasoning to you properly and do it right away. Explain your fears and ask until you have all the answers you need. They should take the time to do that and I think it’s important to know what is happening in these situations, otherwise our imagination runs amok. Sending thoughts and hugs of strength. 
I am so sorry its taken me so long to respond. My Mum did pass on Oct 3rd. And I’ve just been going through the motions. Some days are a real struggle. Funeral this week and am dreading that. Really sorry you lost your Mum recently too. How are you doing now? x
Sorry its taken me so long to reply. I’ve had hard time dealing with the loss as she passed away Oct 3rd. Sorry you been through it with your Dad. I only saw the Dr that day that I Mentioned. Now my mind is running wild with upcoming Funeral. Barely any of it is how I wanting it to be. Having to respect my Dads decisions. No Cremation to go to right now is a very bitter pill for me to swallow.
I am so sorry. We lost our mum almost at the same time. It’s difficult. I’ve been prescribed anti anxiety meds but I cannot take them, I feel emotionless and physically sick.
The days vary, some days are okay and some are awful and I find myself missing her so so much. Please look after yourself. X
Don’t worry, I understand, and my deepest sympathy for your loss. The funeral is hard and it must be doubly so if you don’t feel it’s how you would want it to be. Lots of love and strength. Take it one hour at a time and be kind to yourself.