Mum dying

Hi everyone. I never would’ve considered posting online about this before but now I’ve read some of the posts here I think it could be really helpful. This seems like a really kind, supportive community.

My mum was diagnosed with cancer last December, to cut a long story short after two operations and some chemo she is not going to get better. We were given the ‘six months’ at the start of the first lockdown. She did well for quite a few months, walks, eating well etc but is now starting to deteriorate.

I can’t bear to think about her in pain or suffering. In a way I would rather it happen quicker to minimise her being miserable. She is very depressed, and I find I have nothing I can say. I try and give her positive news and talk about good memories. We speak every day over WhatsApp, FaceTime etc but I can’t go round due to the risk of COVID (there is also my dad to think about and I work with kids, so God knows how many germs I pick up every week).

I don’t really know what advice I want from anyone. There is none to give really. But thank you for reading this and it is nice to feel I might not be alone.

Hi Jbranning,
My heart goes out to you, you are right there is not a lot we can say or advice to give you at this terrible time, but having been through it, I know exactly how you are feeling, some part wants her to hang on to life, as the thought of her not being there is unbearable but you hate seeing her in pain and suffering, as you say it’s made worse by the situation we all find ourselves in at the moment, just treasure the time you have left and you will get through it, sendings my love and hugs to you and your family

1 Like

Hi
I get where your comming from. My mum had cancer diagnosed in the may passed on in the july.
This was many years ago but the memorys of that time have not faded they are just liveable now.
We were fortunate it was not covid.
All I can say is if you know when the end is nearing obviously its not something you might not want to come to terms with yet. But if you know then if you can take time off and go sit with your mum and dad. Your time your mums time this time will never be here again and it makes the loss more bearable. Obviously this is my perspective. Others may do it differently.
I know hand on heart I would not have changed a thing except her passing of course.
As much as i wanted her to pass quickly it was a shock when she did she suffered no physical pain.

1 Like

Thank you. Somehow kind words from strangers feel more valid than from people I know. It is nice to think I am not alone. Obviously I will go to her when it is time, but until then just taking it day by day.

Thats all you can do anytime you need a chat :+1:

Hi. jbeanning. Welcome. This is and always has been a supportive community. After all, we all know the pain of bereavement and no one will try and ‘jolly you along’ as so many who have no understanding try to do.
You are right, there is not a lot one can say about your situation. I saw my wife deteriorate with dementia and other problems and often wished the end would come quickly after being told nothing could be done. There is nothing to be ashamed about in thinking that. You are by no means alone. This is a community of those who know only too well the pain felt in grief. Please stay with us and contribute if you wish. You never know who may read your posts and find some little comfort in them, knowing they are not alone in their grief.
Very best wishes, and take care of yourself in spite of all that is happening. John.

Back to top