mum gone

My mum died 8 days ago.
She was 83 but had loads of life in her.
Due an aneurysm operation today but it ruptured last week. Her operation was 23rd Oct and they cancelled it.
She had operation for pancreatic cancer year ago - very lucky to get through that.
All was meant to be good from today.
My mum lived with me and husband. Had her own space in house whichas is a constant reminder.
Dreaded mum dying all my life. Now it has - what do I do?

I’m very sorry for your loss. Nobody can tell you what to do, that is a veru difficult question to answer. I suggest at the moment you just take some time to come to terms with what has happened. Don’t feel pressured into doing certain things or behaving a certain way.

Advice I would give you from my own experience of losing my mum, in the next few weeks that followed, I made decisions I regretted. So don’t make rash decisions during this time. Also my memory seemingly got disturbed and I have forgotten loads of stuff from the time before my mum died, so write down anything you feel is important and don’t want to forget. Xx

Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I just feel like doing nothing and wish it was me gone instead.
Sorry for your loss…

If you feel like doing nothing, then do exactly that. I had many days where I stayed in my Pj’s and didn’t do anything. I often took myself for a walk to the nearby local dog walking spot, which was great because you can just stop and pat someone’s dog and have a bit of human contact without any pressure. (Sorry I know that’s not helpful if you don’t like dogs). Even just getting a bit of fresh air on your face can really help you get through the next few hours if your feeling particularly low.

I took (and do still take everyday) a lot of strength from knowing what sort of person my mum wanted me to be, and brought me up to be. To be a good and kind person and to try and make the world a better place. Even if that is just by using my experience of grief to make me more compassionate to others.

Thank you.
I have 3 dogs that don’t leave my side - I had to walk them today as my husband went back to work.
I feel completely number today - very strange.
How long ago did your mum died?

Samsz, so sorry to hear about your mum. My mum died 4 weeks ago aged 86, like your mum she had her health problems but I thought she would go on forever, she was so lively and still thought she could do anything. She died suddenly so no goodbye’s. Its very hard to even believe she isint here any more, its so final. Its early days for me too but I think just concentrating on the good times, and the long life they had, and just accepting that there will be times when its hard is all we can do. best wishes

Hi Alicia
Sorry to hear of your loss too.
I struggle what to write as I don’t know how to help myself even…bit I hope your memories keep on giving you comfort.
Sam x

sorry to hear about your loss going through same thing mum died sept 2017
dad 2016 both after short illnesses never thought as a family we would be in this position… the physical pain is unbelievable struggling to move on …
has anyone any advice please

Hi geminibabe,
I didn’t move off of the settee for about 6 weeks, but I had my nephew staying with us who just went into depression - I didn’t even realize I was helping him, but at the same time able to concentrate on something else. I have dogs I need to look after too. Since then I have made myself very busy - probably too busy/manic, but at least it passes the time.
So I would say to keep busy, try to help others, have family/friends around as much as possible. Also - I know this isn’t for everyone - but I have taken to reading books by mediums, and have booked a reading - this has helped a lot.
Keep posting on here if that helps too…

Sam xx

Sam… I am also going to book a medium
They were a massive part of our lives hope I can get some comfort from this
Maria x

I havent got any advice just to say I understand. After dad died I think I was so worried about mum and stayed that way until her death 5 years later. She came and stayed and in between I organised her shopping, appointments etc and now its all ended. I really feel the gap in my life now, christmas etc filled in a lot of my thoughts, how it would be etc, as she was always with me now that is gone and its hard to know what to do next and so sad. I’ve always been interested in medium’s although I think I would be very sceptical unless they said something amazing that no one would ever have known. I hope it does comfort you, who knows,unexplained things have happened to me, after 2 recent funerals.

can you tell me what hs happened to you don’t mean to pry but if it was possible i know both my parents would try to comfort us by giving us a sign… just wish they would make their presence known … i feel my dad wanted my mother with him as the two passed within 17 mths of each other…plus two weeks after my dad my uncle passed in his sleep but has been seen by family members and came to me in a dream don’t understand…

geminibabe they werent big ‘signs’, but just things we thought, thats weird. A neighbour died, and we went to his funeral. When we came back there was a bit of paper lying on the floor just inside the door, turned out to be an old tax disc from when my husband taxed his car for him, that was 7 years before he died, we still dont know where it came from and why that day. Mum often stayed with me and we laughed about finding her pills on the floor in her bedroom where she kept dropping them. When she went home last time we decided to decorate the room, took the bed to bits and cleared the room and swept up etc but then sadly she died. When I got back from her funeral, 4 pills were lying in the room.

Hi Alicia
I’m so pleased you have had these signs
I wish I could have some conformation
Of something would perhaps ease the pain and little. …


In reply to all of you…
I’m glad others are interested in mediums. I think I have read about 8 books in the 9 weeks since my Mum has gone. I have two appointments with mediums coming up too.
I’m probably going over the top with it, but it is kind of keeping me going at the moment. I feel if I had some proof, I could live with it better.
Love to you all. xxx

PS - Alicia - I think they are big signs myself…