I lost my Mum in March. She had been bed bound for 8 months and in hospice care for 18 days when she passed away. She had MSA. Before she lost her speech we spoke every day and I didn’t realize quite how much she was the center of my universe. I thought I would feel relieved when she passed because she had suffered so much and most of the things that made her who she was had already left her. All I truly feel is sad and empty. I thought that as an adult and a parent myself it wouldn’t be so painful. My Stepdad (Dad died when I was 4 from cancer) just gets upset if I talk about her and I feel like if I talk about my pain it just isn’t comparable to how he must feel. My siblings and I all had different relationships with Mum so we all are coping in different ways. Just want to ask… when does it hurt less 
Hello @C-vit,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hello @C-vit,
Welcome to this group, I lost my mum in December, she was also bedbound for the last 6 months, but I cared for mum at home, she came out of hospital and had carers for just 15 days.
I’m still so sad and feel so lost because I devoted all my time to her. I would love to say it gets easier but the truth is it hasn’t for me yet. I still cry, it just comes over me all of a sudden.
People do not understand unless they have lost a parent it’s so painful and raw
The best advice someone gave me is to cry if you feel like crying, don’t hold it in because it just builds up and don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s a massive loss.
Take care xx
You can always private message me if you fancy a chat xxx
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry it took so long to read it. I am 7 months in almost and coping a little better but there is a huge hole in my heart I really appreciate the support. Sending hugs xx
I am only a few weeks in but I spoke to a counsellor who said the mum shape hole will always stay the same. That doesn’t change but our life starts to expand around it so it doesn’t become your everything. Kind of made sense but hard to imagine at the moment.
Yes hard. I find firsts the hardest. First mothers day, My son’s first day at school and things like that. Or something will happen and I think “Oh I must tell Mum”
I lost my biological father when I was 4 but was so young I never really felt the loss like this one
Yes I want to tell my mum things all the time. Especially news about my children as they were her world. There’s just a constant overwhelming sadness without her here to share my life with.
I totally empathize. Its really tough xx
Hello @C-vit
I’m pleased to hear that you are coping better. It’s an empty feeling isn’t it, it catches my breath sometimes.
I’ve just finished 10 weeks of counselling which I think has really helped.
I think losing our mum changes us, I feel like I’ve definitely changed, certain things aren’t important anymore.
I didn’t cope very well with my mum’s birthday, someone sent me a message so that started me off, so when it was my birthday this week I was prepared, I didn’t look at any social media or messages or even open any cards until about 6pm I was trying not to focus on it being my birthday, you know keep a low profile and it seemed to work.
I’ve also found that listening to podcasts has helped, the one called The Dead Parents Club, I know it sounds awful but I’ve listened to them and they seem good at explaining things, like talking to my siblings about grief, which I can’t do.
Sorry I’m waffling on here.
Sending love to everyone 
Not waffling! I think it helps to say how you feel here. It certainly is helping me. Mum’s birthday is next week. I had a Moonpig reminder and it hit me like slap in the face. One day at a time xx