My mum has had her terminal diagnosis since last June when she was given one year. It has hit me very very hard in the last two months and I have been so tearful, anxious, and depressed.
Mum is the most wonderful person she spent so much of her life helping others and always doing her best and it’s just agonising to see her slow down. It’s getting worse and worse and her cancer keeps spreading and it’s tearing me apart.
I hate that I couldn’t see her last year and that she couldn’t do the simple humble things she wanted to do with her last year it makes me so angry.
My mum, dad, and I have all had both doses of our vaccines so I have been going to visit but it’s just so hard to see her slow down and become out of breath and in pain and not eating.
I feel like split in two and both sides are struggling, when I see my mum I’m so happy to spend time with her but it is so hard to leave. When I’m at home I can bearly function and I feel as though I am letting down my partner, work, my friends, my pet, and myself.
I’m so tired I can’t sleep or eat and nothing feels right and somedays I just wish I could disappear so I don’t let anyone down anymore and this pain goes away.
I am in weekly counselling but after a year of working from home alone in the house I feel so lonely and it doesn’t feel like anything helps and it’s just going to get worse.