Mum is dying, really struggling

Hi everyone,

My mum has had her terminal diagnosis since last June when she was given one year. It has hit me very very hard in the last two months and I have been so tearful, anxious, and depressed.

Mum is the most wonderful person she spent so much of her life helping others and always doing her best and it’s just agonising to see her slow down. It’s getting worse and worse and her cancer keeps spreading and it’s tearing me apart.

I hate that I couldn’t see her last year and that she couldn’t do the simple humble things she wanted to do with her last year it makes me so angry.

My mum, dad, and I have all had both doses of our vaccines so I have been going to visit but it’s just so hard to see her slow down and become out of breath and in pain and not eating.

I feel like split in two and both sides are struggling, when I see my mum I’m so happy to spend time with her but it is so hard to leave. When I’m at home I can bearly function and I feel as though I am letting down my partner, work, my friends, my pet, and myself.

I’m so tired I can’t sleep or eat and nothing feels right and somedays I just wish I could disappear so I don’t let anyone down anymore and this pain goes away.

I am in weekly counselling but after a year of working from home alone in the house I feel so lonely and it doesn’t feel like anything helps and it’s just going to get worse.

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Hi BQuin , I’m so pleased you have found this site, we are all here to listen and support you through this very tough time, this last year must have been awful for you, not being able to make the most of the time you have left with her, have you asked your GP for something to help you sleep, if you sleep better it might help you cope better during the day, just remember you are doing absolutely everything you can for your Mum and she will know this, sending love and hugs Jude xx

Hi Bquin
I am sad you find yourself here. Watching your mum slowly deteriorate is agonising and all you can do is be there when you can. Holding it together is not easy and as time passes it doesnt get any easier but make the most of the moments you can share. Record your mums voice if you can. I never thought to do this but wish now I could hear her voice.
Just go easy on yourself take a deep breath and do what you can its all you can ask of yourself.

Hi BQuin,

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you, especially during times which are so difficult anyway.

When you’re feeling lonely and like you need to talk in between councelling sessions, you could consider ringing a helpline for this kind of thing? I think its helpful to have as a resource to know that at any time you can talk through your thoughts and feelings. I know of the anne robson trust who have a helpline for people who are dealing with terminal illness/dying - they helped me a lot. It’s 0808 801 0688 if you ever want to give it a try.

I’m sending you and your family love, and hope that you’re able to find some extra support especially in the lonelier times.

Best,
Lois

not meaning to be rude, but to heck with work, partner, the cat, friends.

this is the most wrenching time in your entire existence. it is the top priority and should be honored and respected, as such.

this time will not return so tell everyone else in your life you’ll get back to them later. your mom is top of list.

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