Mum is on end of life

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 2016 it was then diagnosed as an aggressive stage 4 which them spread to her brain and skin she has now stopped treatment and been given months this was January but looks like it will be soon as all the sign of end of life she mainly has I don’t seem to be coping I feel I’m on edge all the time and cry and shout at the most stupid thing my poor children who are 3 and 5 must think I’m an evil mum as I’m flipping at a chair or something out of place which is stupid I feel guilty for talking about things in the future, my husband family are rubbish not my husband he is Amazing and when Home from work is like go be there I’m juggling having the kids and trying to be at my mums and help my dad with care of mum and no one seems to be offering help I feel raged and so sad and upset all at once and don’t know how I will cope after.

I’m sure that this is the same for everyone but just don’t know what to do seeing mum in so much pain it’s happens so quick in the space of weeks she has gone from being her normal self to bed ridden


Hi Jen,

Just read your post. My mum passed away in December with metastic breast cancer. All I can say is try and spend as much time with your mum as you can. I can’t explain the feelings that go through you. The fear, anxiety, helplessness and guilt is only a few.

You are coping as best as you can and you will cope although it doesn’t feel like it at the minute. There’s no way you can prepare for something like this so the only way is to go with it each day and each minute.

All I can say is that everything is a big shock and you are trying to come to terms with it all but at the same time trying to manage what is happening and what might be in the future. Just have those precious times with mum, say the things you never usually have time for and show her how much you love her. Everything else will happen when it’s time xx

Dear Jen,
I wished there was something I could do for you to make this difficult time any easier.for you or to take some of the burden, but I know from experience that often the onky thing we can do for others is to let them know they are not alone and that others have gone through times like this.
It must be heartbreaking to see your mum slowly getting weaker. I know that I found it incredibly hard to see first my dad and later my mum, change so much physically at the end of their lives. I read the other reply you had and agree with everything that person wrote.
Just follow your heart in what to do and what to say. I am not a very huggy person, but my sisters and I often held our parents’ hands, or stroked their face, or their arms. We kept talking to them, even when they no longer responded, and we told them how much we loved them and how thankful we were for all that they had done for us. You know your mother well and you can be her advocate when health professionals could be more helpful. My parents had a very good GP and my mum spend the last 10 days of her life in a hospice which was such a relief because we saw how they looked after her like we would have done at home.
It must be diifficukt for you as well to divide your time and attention between your mum and your own family. Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you are a loving daughter and are doing all you can in the circumstances.
I hope that you will find more help and support, not only though this forum but also from friends and family, or from organisations such as MacMillan or Marie Curie.
Wishing you wisdom and strength and precious times with your mum, and dad.
Big hug and lots of love,

Hi Jen and All

Just wanted to reach out and say I understand too. I lost my dad in 2017 then immediately after my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I cared for her until I physically and mentally burnt out and juggled work and my family at the same time. This isn’t about me though, I just wanted to let you know I understand.

All the points from the other people on this thread I agree with. The most important thing that will give you comfort in the future is that you spend as much time as you can with your mum and tell her you love her.

Don’t expect too much from yourself. You are doing so well just getting by at the worst possible time for you. When my mum was alive I selfishly asked her how I would cope. She said, can you get through today? That is all I focused on. One day, one hour or one minute at a time. It somehow worked and I am so blessed to have had her wise words.

This forum really helped me too. Especially, as like you Jen, my wider family were useless.

We are all here for each other on here, as we all, unfortunately understand what you are going through so please feel free to let some of your anger out here where it is safe to do so.

Best wishes for getting through today then tomorrow… you will. X

Ann xx

My heart goes out to you I to understand I looked after my mum for 4 years and I spent 10 days with my mum at the end it was heartbreaking seeing her suffer but I’m glad I was with her at the end all you can do is be there tell her how much you love her and deal with it day by day you sound like a lovely daughter your mum will be proad of what your doing all my love goes out to you