Hi
My mum suffered a stroke on 03 Jan passed away on 06 Jan.
Mum was fine on 03 Jan we took her shopping in the evening and she was happy then suddenly she dropped her and my dad’s food, my wife sat her down with my oldest daughter calling the ambulance. They advised we did the right thing and in time.
However, mum suffered a hemorrhagic stroke with the doctor’s advising they could do not operate given where blood had gone onto the brain and could only observe. My brothers and I were in shock and could not speak but we still had hope.
When mum passed away, I was holding her hand listening to prayers then her breathing stopped, the nurse came and said ‘Sorry Mr Singh but your mum has passed away’. I could not cry as I was in shock however, when I was driving home to get my family my tears started and could not stop. What gives me some comfort is that mum was not alone, I was with her and she was peaceful.
But it happened so quickly we did not expect it and for her to leave us so quickly.
Mum was 74 but did not complain of anything, she just got on with it.
Mum was my best friend and always looked out for me even though I am 47 and have a family of my own.
My family (brothers and own family) try to support each other and especially my dad who has lost his life partner and going through his own pain.
I miss mum every day and still cry, I just can’t help it. I feel lost and do not know what to do and when I will accept what has happened.
We remember the good times we had with mum to give all the family some comfort.
Hi Tindi
So sorry that you find yourself here
I am in the same situation and similar age. It helps to say what you are feeling on here - it is comforting.
My dad passed away out of nowhere in his sleep in June. Having gone through the stage where you are, it feels like you are jumping out of a plane all the time - the emotions and adrenaline are not describable. These initial horrible feelings do subside / dull over time. Even tho it seems impossible. Missing the person and wishing it didnt happen do continue. It is very hard also to watch your dad suffer as his loss is devastating. I have the same struggles watching my mom in mental anguish. The waves will knock you around, just take deep breaths, minute to minute. Your family and friends are important at this time. Please make sure to eat and drink water. I lost alot of weight the first few months which was not good.
Wish there was more to say
Ell
Tindi
Hi. Your story is almost identical to my own.
In june my mum suffered a haemorrhagic stroke out of the blue. She was also 74 and the bleeding was too deep for the hospital to operate.
We turned off her life support the following day.
Up until then she was living life normally, was very active and we thought she was in good health.
It’s such a shock isnt it?
I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.
Cheryl x
Hello, Tindi,
I am so very sorry that your mum has passed away, my husband of 59 years died last August. It came as a terrible shock, I was the one who found him on our bedroom floor.
Take good care of yourself,
Blessings,
MaryL
Hello Tindi,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Although my mum had incurable lung cancer she died at home much sooner than expected just before Christmas. We thought we were going to have more time together. The shock of finding her the next morning was unbearable and I have felt sadness and anger like never before. I hope it will get easier in time. I’ve started counselling now and have been trying to be more open about my feelings with those close to me. It’s so hard though. It’s important to let it all out and feel your emotions, no matter how painful. I miss my mum so much.
I am very for your loss too, Tindy, as Doll said. Please take care of yourself.
Blessings
Mary x
I’m so sorry Mary. I found my mum and it was just awful. I had two council workers with me though who had came early morning to fit a bed alarm. When I went into her bedroom to wake her, that’s when I found her. They called the paramedics whilst I ran into the living room screaming. I am so thankful they were there. May I ask how you’ve managed? I dont think I’ll ever forget that moment. It makes me feel so sad. I feel sad for you too having lost your husband after so many years together
Thank you, Doll,
It does add to the shock of the bereavement, doesn’t it?
I’m sorry for your sudden loss. My mum died two days after they told us she had cancer. I’m still in disbelief and it’s been 5 months. She had a bad back for a few months. But was told she had broken a rib. Then she caught a cold which developed into a chest infection. Then she was gone. Just like that. I still can’t get my head round it all.
I’m so sorry @Jooles45 its so hard. My mum passed suddenly on the 20th Dec and the pain I feel is overwhelming. I’m still off work but know I have to think about going back after mums funeral on the 30th Jan and trying to carry on. How are you coping?
Yes it does @MaryL and I feel like no one around me understands how that feels and makes the grief somehow worse for me. It’s in my head when I go to bed at night mostly. I didn’t want that image of mum to be the last one I remember
I’m not back at work properly. Which is not good. I used to work for an agency and they have stopped calling me for work. I don’t cry as much. But I would say that I’m in more pain my chest and heart hurts, my legs and arms shake. It’s an awful feeling. I have awful flashbacks of her final days. She was so frightened.
You have had such a long wait for the funeral. Don’t go back to work if you don’t feel up to it. It takes a long time. You might find your feelings intensify after the funeral too. Not to worry you. But that’s generally when it starts to sink in a bit.
Doll, I don’t believe that you will have that image for the rest of your life, maybe I am being presumptious saying this to you. I do think as time passes, this image will fade and you will only see in your mind the happiness which you and your mum shared.
Love
Mary x
Hello @Jooles45
I’m sorry to hear about the pain you’re still experiencing. I can empathise with the chest pains. I get that too. I suffer terrible anxiety, especially when I wake up. I spent most of yesterday sorting mums things and having to take stuff to the charity shop and the recycling centre. It felt awful having to throw things that belonged to her into skips. Being in her home, especially her bedroom where she passed was very upsetting. My partner was with me and he was very supportive We’ve had some terrible rows since mum passed but that’s mainly been caused by me and my anger which I hope doesnt return I am dreading the funeral as have started to feel a bit better and like you say, worried it will just hit me again. I have decided I will not make a decision about work until a good week or two after the funeral. Im sorry your agency hasn’t gotten you anything… Do you feel you want to be back at work? I’m new to the area I live in and really need to make some friends here. I’m thinking of getting involved in some local groups. Do you have friends that you can get out with? Thank you for your reply its helped me so much x
Thanks for the kind words @MaryL I really hope that will be the case. It’s still early days. I hope once mums funeral has taken place next week, it’ll get easier x