My mum passed away from stage 4 secondary cancer 2 days ago I’m finding it very hard to cope with and would love some advice/ help anyone can give me.
Hi. Mollie and Welcome to the site no one wants to be on, but thank God it’s here. Two days ago! I am so so sorry for such a tragic loss, but you have come to the right place. We all know and understand only too well.
Advice at such a time is not much use because we all experience this pain in our own way. To suggest you do this and that won’t help at this stage, and words are so often inadequate. All you can do is to accept it has happened (very difficult) and allow emotions to come. No ‘bottling up’.
Day by day, hour by hour if necessary. Unfortunately there is no magic wand. God, I wish there were!! This kind of suffering no one deserves no matter who or what they are.
Take it easy, (well, as easy as you can). Support others who may be close and need comfort too. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
Bless you. John.
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Dear Mollie,
I lost my mum almost 2 years ago and remember all too well how I felt in the days and weeks after that. I can totally understand that you are finding i hard to cope with the loss of your mum.
In your profile I read that you are only 18 and that you have mental health issues. Were you already getting support for that, maybe from your GP or from a mental health team? If so, maybe you can contact them to let them know what happened and get extra support? Do you have family members or friends you are close to who you can talk to? I have 3 sisters, and that really helped, because we could talk about mum and cry and grieve together.
It is good that you have come to this online community where you find others who have gone through the pain of losing a loved one and can tell you how they are of have been coping with it, Feel free to post as often as you want. Sending you a big ‘virtual’ hug.
Jo
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Dear Mollie1092
Just replying to send you a gentle hug. I also lost my mom, only 9 weeks ago, to a terminal illness. I’m trying to figure things out too.
I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope that with time you can celebrate your mum’s life. It helps me to think how blessed I am to belong to my mom, and that she loved me so much. Its true that she is no longer suffering, even though we are hurting so much. Try to find some comfort in that.
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Thankyou for replying yes I have a little sister she’s 16 and I have a lot of loving family that won’t let me go through this alone. However my mum was the closest person to me I thought of her as my bestfriend and I’m finding it really difficult to believe that she will never be back in my life. I know it sounds so silly but me and a few of my family members are finding white feathers and I searched it and it said that it’s a sign of a loved one that’s passed away visiting I don’t really believe it stuff like that but I don’t know it’s a bit of a weird thing. I’m doing better than I thought I would now but I think it’s because I haven’t realised it yet because it’s so fresh and no I haven’t had a counsellor in a while I used to be ok sertraline also but nothing really helped and I finally started to feel happier in myself I now have to look after my sister and it’s just so over whelming thankyou once again for responding I really appreciate it
I do find comfort in that I’m so glad she’s not hurting anymore but I just wish I spent more time with her in her last few weeks I feel so guilty…
It’s the most horrible thing that could happen to anyone I wouldn’t wish it on no one. But I do find peace at the fact she’s in a far better place and nothing / no one can hurt me anymore x
Thankyou for replying yes I am so happy she’s at peace and no one can hurt her but i was so close to her and all I want is her and I still don’t believe it I am hoping to start to cope with it I know it will take time but I think I need a lot of help doing that
Thankyou for replying
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Hi Mollie1092
It’s way too soon for you to even absorb the shock and trauma you have just experienced let alone take on advice. What I can say is you are not alone with all the emotions you will be going through. At this stage you just need to focus on eating, sleep, rest and take things hour by hour. It all unravels over time but there is no short cut to dealing with loss, it has to be absorbed and your mind and body will let you know how much you can cope with and when. Grief which is an outpouring of love doesn’t ever go away but we learn to live with it as we bumble along where we eventually reach “acceptance” . There is no timescale and no right or wrong way. Go with the flow of your emotions and express them, good, bad or ugly, they have to be released in order to heal. Remember you are not travelling this journey alone. Nothing will bring mum back but mum would want you to get on with life and she will have given you the strength to do this but it takes time, many tears, much heartbreak but above all kindness and compassion to yourself and a non oriented goal. Just follow the flow and treasure those wonderful memories as you gain your strength
Hi. Mollie. Help is what we all need, and comfort. You will find it all in ample supply here. Everyone knows and understands. There is no substitute for experience. Those who have not been there can have no concept of the awful pain involved. But now you are here you can, when you are ready, help so many. We all try to support each other through this bad time. Yes, she is at peace and ‘It’s the peace that passeth all understanding’ Bless you. John.
Take care.
Hi Mollie,
I’m so sorry for your loss, I lost my dear mum and best friend nearly a year ago and I still cannot believe that she has gone. Its like I’m waiting for her to suddenly walk through the door as if she has just been to visit a friend or out shopping. At first I was strong dealing with all that had to be done after a person first passes away, looking after my dad, sorting the funeral and then we had Christmas. New year came and then the grieve really began to hit and hit hard but I’ve been told grieving is different for everyone so just take each day at a time try to hold on to the good memories( although those made me cry because I wanted them/mum back). I still feel in shock at how quickly she was taken from us and still trying to find answers as to why we did not pick up on her illness. There are always so many questions and what ifs, again I’m told that is natural after you loose a loved one.
Look after yourself
Beth x