Has anyone else experienced this?
Dad who hasn’t grieved my Mum passing, but tells everyone he has as she was poorly for a few years. 2 weeks after my mum passed, he then starts to get close with my mum’s best friend who is also a widow, 1 year on she is now sleeping in my mum’s bed, she’s moved in my family home. My dad changed the locks months ago so we couldn’t spend time in the house where my mum passed away or be with her things. He bagged everything up, we have collected everything, but this ‘woman’ is living a life you wouldn’t believe since her best friend of 50yrs passed last year, going on holidays shes dreamed of, absolutely fleecing my dad and he doesn’t care, it’s such a slap in the face to my sister, me, grandma and aunty. We can’t cope. Her family want us to “get on with it, as they’re happy”… my dad has never looked so lost and sad in his life. We tried family counselling with him, he didn’t see our side, we knew he would move on fast and expected it and understood he hated being on his own, we really did our best to look after him but it wasn’t enough, he hasn’t even give himself chance to meet anyone else, we need him to move out of our family home but he is now having a refurb to get rid of any trace of my mum. It’s horrible, toxic and so sad. We miss Mum so much, how has anyone coped with knowing this other woman who’s been in your life all your life and now she’s in your mum’s bed and house x
Hello @Mols1 ,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
this happened to my school chum. same exact thing. i am really sorry and i am sorry for his pain. he knows not what he does. being in a toxic relationship is so hard. a real dependency forms. easy to fall in so very hard to get out. i do not know why nature does this to people.
best is to back off and let him come to his own misery. i think when you push against her he will defend her, his choice.
I’m sorry for your loss, I’m worried about the same thing happening with my dad.
All the old tarts will start coming out of the woodwork
Controversial thing to say, but my mum and dad were together over 50 years and he’s lost
Thank you for your reply. Sorry for your friend had to go through this too. It’s even harder as we all live in the same village, and drive round and cross paths with them. It’s hard because we miss him, but he doesn’t care how we feel, so feel like we need to distance from him, but at the same time can’t let them get on with this ‘new life’ they’re having, when all of ours is shattered around us x
I’m so so sorry you’re going through this too. Thanks for your message. Your dad will be so vulnerable now and the tarts will take advantage, he will make mistakes, and we have to let them, but as long as he comes back to his family at the end of it. My dad has completely dumped all of us, we don’t even know him anymore x
This same scenario is happening to us. Mum been dead 2 years and dad having a relationship with her friend. He’s moved her in to the family house. I’ve refused to visit but my other siblings acting fine. I can’t face it and want dad to be happy but he’s distant from us and only this woman exists 
Surely he needs and wants his family around? It’s like we don’t matter
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I can’t believe how common this is.
How long have they been together? When my sister and i tried family therapy with my dad, the therapist said that my family can’t provide the comfort that he is seeking, and that he doesn’t want to be by himself, which I get, but they literally could get to know any other human being on the planet, but I have the biggest issue with it being her, because my mum used to tell us stories about her, and my mum said to my sister and dad the day before her last day that my dad could get with anyone… Just not her (she said it in a joking way thinking that of course he wouldn’t) and he says he doesn’t remember it. She’s been in my mum’s house for 1 year now, my dad just wants a texting relationship with us, just a how are you, and he feels fulfilled with that. My dad has always said growing up, to look ‘after number one’ and that is exactly what he is doing. He says to us all that life moves on, which is such an immature comment, as if we didn’t know, but him and her have completely brushed my beautiful mum under the carpet and they don’t care about the opinion from anyone else. But we reckon she has groomed my dad from when my mum was alive. She is evil.
What have her family said about it? Sorry your siblings aren’t on the same page as you!
My mum too told me stories of her jealousy. Her only daughter feels the same but she has had the family home signed over to her and isn’t making any effort to move her out. My dad ignores us and says he’s lonely. My dad is 87 and spent 65 years with mum. He’s told us that she’s like a sister but friends have seen them holding hands in public. I feel humiliated and don’t recognise my dad anymore xx
He’s been looking after her and visiting her for for 14months as her mental health is in question but the doctors say it’s adult tantrums and she’s putting it on. Her daughter has just sold her mums house and her mum has made no effort to move in as she’s got her feet well under the table at dad’s. I seem to be the only one respecting and upholding mums memory but other siblings are saying he’s lonely as deserves to be happy. I’ve told him she should move in with her daughter and they can see each other but he’s obsessed by her and lying about why she’s not moving
Gosh it’s like our Mum’s could see this coming. That’s incredible they were together for 65 years !!
Lies always get found out. They think they’re protecting us, but from what because we’re more hurt by it! Yes I can imagine you don’t recognize your dad, my dad’s turned into such a bitter man now, she definitely doesn’t bring the best out in him.
Wow adult tantrums, aw this is the last thing your dad needs, he probably thinks helping her is helping him, but he’s pushing you away.
We’ve left my dad to it, as we were all “interfering” but my sister met with him last week as we still don’t have a place of rest for Mum, and we’re worried they may get married one day, so Sis explained she will need to sign a prenup, and if she objects , then you know she’s only with you for your money. Plus they are entitled to some rights if lived together for 2yrs. We sought free advice from a family solicitor, they said there are new things he needs to mention in his new will, like if he goes before her, would he leave a gift for her and saying x amount.
Glad the daughter is on the same page as you, keep listening to your gut and brain, it is their life but it’s honoring your mum at the end of the day, and it’s completely wrong. My dad sees comfort in her because she knew my mum, but it all makes me feel sick.
Thank you for understanding, it’s draining but if nothing changes I’m done and don’t want to know. It’s messing with my head and my mums memory. Would never have thought he would do this. You take care, thanks again xx
I completely understand. You’re so right about the head games. We don’t deserve this pain.
It’s really hard trying to mentally separate the two. We miss the dad that we knew so much, it’s like grieving for 2 parents.
Our Mum’s would be so proud of us. Take care xx