It’s been 6 months now since I lost my mum and it’s just getting harder to bear. I miss her so much. Just take things day by day. Some days are better than others, it’s how the road I’m travelling seems to be.
The memorial company have finally finished adding her name and date of death onto the family headstone. Has taken a full 6 months to get this completed because their sculptors had so much work on.
I thought that when Mum’s name was finally added, I would feel some sense of closure now that everything has been done properly for her. But, all I now feel is a deep sadness and pain that she’s gone. Seeing her name and date of death on the headstone makes it so final.
I’m also beginning to wonder if I should consider bereavement counselling. But that may be for another post.
I know that I am far from alone in grieving, but wondered if anyone else has felt the same way because of this?
Thanks,
Bluebelle
I had counselling too early. I work for the NHS and they wanted me back at work so I was rushed through. Apparently it’s most beneficial at least 6 months after a death as your brain needs time to process it. I was just anxious and all over the place when I went. She kept telling me to say how I felt about my husband, I kept telling her that I felt so physically unwell in myself I wasn’t even thinking about my husband.
Anyway they moved me to CBT to help with my anxiety. They did offer more bereavement counselling but I didn’t really see what difference it would make.
For me personally I think that kind of counselling is good if you don’t have anyone else to talk to. I’m lucky, I have lots of support. So I felt like I wasn’t gaining anything from it. All she did was offer a supportive ear and nod sympathetically.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
I just feel pretty lost at the moment. It maybe is still too early to think about bereavement counselling. There are days when I think I’m doing ok, only to find that a few days later I’m not (like today😞). I guess I’ll just need to wait and see how things are, but thanks for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.
Bluebelle
I’m not doing good at all lately. It’s been 8 months. I just feel angry and irritable. I just feel it’s so unfair that this is now my life and I hate it.
The trouble is I feel trapped. There is no way out! Nothing anyone can say or do will make it better. When I did go to counselling she just nodded and basically said my feelings were valid because I loved my husband so much. That’s it! Mind you I’m not sure what I was expecting her to do. I think basically you’re just supposed to honour your feelings. Go with it no matter how you feel. Mind you it’s not like we have much other choice is it?
Hi Kat,
I haven’t been on here for a bit and have only just seen your post.
I’m really sorry that you’re finding things hard just now. When you talk about feeling trapped, I know what you are describing. It’s having to acknowledge that life has changed so much and there is no way back to the way it was before. Having lost our loved ones, we feel stuck in an emotional hole that is so hard to climb out of. Some days I feel I’m getting out of it, yet there are others, like today where I feel right back in the middle of it. For me, it is Mum’s birthday approaching in a few days time. Mum loved birthdays, always remembered everyone in the family’s and not having her here any more just feels so empty. But life has to continue and yes, like you, there are times when I feel angry about it all. Why did I have to lose Mum, and in the way that she died? I don’t know if talking to a bereavement counsellor would help validate these feelings. They go round and round in my head at times. I keep thinking I should try writing a grief journal but no matter how hard I try, I just cannot get all of my feelings down on paper. Maybe one day, it will happen. All I am trying to do just now is take things a day at a time, allow myself to have bad days if they appear and feel grateful if I have better ones.
I bought a couple of books to read about loss. They are called Loss, by Donna Ashworth and I Look To The Mourning Sky, by Liz Newman. Both have poems and words about losing ones we love. They don’t change anything, won’t bring my mum back but they do help me to understand how I am feeling right now, that it’s okay to not be okay. I bought them on Amazon.
Take care. xx
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While I’ve been having better days I’m trying to pack lots of stuff in them days. I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I have started going to weight lifting classes at my local gym. It’s really hard going but in that hour all I can think about it lifting those weights. 
I’ve signed up to do a mud run too with some friends. All the things that in the past I’d have liked to have done but was too scared that I wouldn’t be fit enough, fast enough etc. I just do. I feel so much better once I’ve gone too.
I think this might be the way forward. Obviously I’m going to have days where just getting out of bed is hard. I just want to make up for the days I’m losing through grief by still trying to live. It’s a wasted life if we spend it totally depressed and withdrawn isn’t it? X
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It’s good that you’re keeping active and doing things with friends on days when you’re feeling better Kat. That is very positive.
I must admit that this week hasn’t been great for me (today especially) and I’m just putting it down to Mum’s birthday approaching. She would have been up for a short visit with my dad and we’d have all gone out for tea somewhere. She loved doing things like that. I’m going down to visit my dad in a few weeks time. He’s hardly visited since losing Mum, he just doesn’t feel up to it.
Some days, I’m finding it hard to go outside of the house. I know I should really but I just keep busy at home instead, pottering about. I don’t feel like staying in bed but I just feel better at home right now. I did go out at the weekend with my husband to a local car boot fair, but I didn’t enjoy being among so many people. I prefer peace and quiet right now. It’s not that I’m being anti social, as I do enjoy meeting up with my friend for lunch or a coffee. She has lost both of her parents in recent years and does understand.
I think we just cope as best we can and do what we have to do to get through. It’s not easy, but coming onto this platform and chatting to others who have lost loved ones does help. xx
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