Hi, i dont know if this is the right place for me as my Mum is still technically alive. She is dying of brain cancer and the days are numbered. I’m just reaching out to see if anyone can help me. Im the eldest of three and i feel bent doubled with the weight of having to be the one who takes charge, the responsibility of being the eldest to look after everyone elses needs and emotions whilst swallowing down my own grief and heartache. I miss Mum, or the person that she was. Poor love is at the stage of sleeping most of her days away. I hold her hand, whisper, I love you and kiss her forehead. She’s in respite/end of life care and God forgive me but i wish the Lord would take her to end her suffering. The guilt is killing me.
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Hello @MandyM1964,
I’m Seaneen, and I’m part of the Online Community team. I wanted to say thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds like you’re carrying such a weight on your shoulders.
You don’t have to do this alone. I wanted to share some sources of support that can help right now.
- Our Supporting someone at the end-of-life pages contain practical advice for those helping someone close to death and information about what you can expect when death is near.
- Our Anticipatory grief page talks about the feelings associated with grief in the days, months or years before someone dies. This is known as anticipatory grief, as you are grieving for someone who is still alive.
You might also want to contact Macmillan. They offer support to the families of people living with cancer. They have an online chat which is open until 8pm every day. They also have a free support line which you can call on 0808 808 00 00.
The Brain Tumour Charity also support families of people living with brain tumours. They have a live chat on their website, you can email them at support@thebraintumourcharity.org or you can call them on 0808 800 0004.
I hope you find the community a support to you, too.
Take good care 
Hi @MandyM1964 ,
Your very welcome to talk on this forum as much or as little as comfortable.
My mom passed from brain tumours in 2021, a very aggressive cancer 
. At the time it was during COVID, so we had to care for her at home.
My heart goes out to you, I can say from experience, I know how heartbreaking it is watch your mom, the person who has loved & cared for you your whole life, slowly deteriorating, feeling so helpless. I agree, when people are in this condition, they should be allowed to pass peacefully, not made to suffer to the bitter end just because the law says so.
It sounds like your under a lot of pressure, taking care of everyone else, but don’t neglect yourself, in some ways, always being so busy serves as a helpful distraction, but at least try to treat yourself now & again, it’s important to look after yourself too. It’s not healthy to bottle up how you feel, it sounds like you need a constructive, or at least a supportive outlet for how you feel, talk to family, or if you really don’t feel comfortable to do that, you can talk on this forum as much or as little as is comfortable for you. Some people keep a diary, but you do what works for you.
Sending hugs of support. 
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your situation brings up all sorts of deep confusing emotions. worse thing is to be mad at yourself for emotions rising naturally. you are there now and one day you will thank yourself for being there in these days. because the days pass into months and years and then all we have are memories - and regrets. do nothing now causing regret later as regrets never leave us, never.
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So sorry for your loss. Grief know no boundaries
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