Mum terminally ill

Two weeks ago everything was okay. Then a routine scan, I was with mum when she was told a tumour was there. A CT scan later & they’ve said it’s inoperable, it can’t be cured. Our family is in turmoil, but I don’t want my mum to suffer (my aunt died in similar circumstances in January & it was not easy). 3-12 months, the offer of chemo may give her more time, but I’ve seen what chemo can do. I feel tortured how do I & my sister talk about quality of life when all any of us want is her with us? Terrified, heartbroken and don’t know what to do or say other than I don’t want mum to suffer and there is no happy ending…


Hi, may I ask what your mums current quality of life is like now?
I later found out my mum was given 3 months without chemo and 12 months with it.
She took chemo and lasted 5 months from her diagnoses but looking back we wish she never had it as the chemo process stole everything from her.

Her quality of life presently is good, not perfect but we can still take her places, she still cooks meals etc. the point you made is my concern, that the chemo consumes everything . I don’t want her railroaded into it to make others (my dad) see she’s putting up ‘a fight’ but I don’t know how to bring it up. Our family is devastated.

This is the worst situation you and your family are ever going to face and I’m so so sorry you are going through this. You are still in shock by her diagnoses first and foremost.
Ultimately what is your mums own thoughts on the matter? This is the most important thing.
My mum took the decision into her own hands and we all went with it although she chose not to hear about life expectancy etc. She said she was just going to do what she was told.

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Well it is so good that her quality of life is good at this time. Realistically it will deteriorate eventually but its just obviously whether it’s with the addition of a gruelling chemo regime or not.
Myself and my family were the exact same when my mum wanted to do chemo cus we wanted her to fight and have hope. You obviously want to try all avenues in the world to help in any way but in hindsight for us I’m just not too sure it was the best decision in the end.