Mum vascular dementia

I lost my mum on the 25/01/2021 to Dementia. She was in a care home however I was lucky enough to have been with her when she passed. My mum and I lived together before she went into care home just two years ago. I visited her everyday she was my best friend confidante she made me laugh and I miss her terribly! My dad died in 2015 and I think the shock of losing him brought on her Dementia! I remember at the time of her passing holding her hand and watching her breathing stopping and starting and the moment it stopped and her head fell slightly to the right on the pillow was the moment she passed! I was grateful I was holding her hand saying I was walking with her to meet my dad! After she died my mum’s favourite Carer and myself washed and dressed her for the undertakers! If anyone had told me I would be capable of doing this I would have said no but it was a privilege! Unfortunately I couldn’t give my mum the funeral I wished due to Covid and decided instead to celebrate her life once this lock down was over! This meant on the day of her cremation there was only myself in attendance when the hearse arrived. I was allowed to touch her coffin and say a last goodbye! Returning to my flat the finality hit me and the emotional pain left me breathless as I sobbed my heart out! Just getting thru the day was torturous! I took to my bed most days trying to blot it out! My friends would phone and say how difficult it must be because of lockdown however it did give me the space and time I needed! My only other hurdle is returning to work and a degree of normality. I must admit I am dreading it. I don’t feel normal my life has changed in such a seismic way. I truly loved my mum and my mum loved me unconditionally and life will never be the same! Sorry for such a long post I haven’t shared this with anyone. My love goes out to all of you that are grieving a loved one x

Hello @Allyred. I feel so sorry for your loss and feelings must be very raw at the moment as your loss is so recent. We all know how you feel as we are all hurting and missing our loved ones. The feeling of disbelief is difficult to overcome, but you will find many helpful people on this site so keep posting
Love and light.x

Hi Allyred, thank you for sharing your story and you are right, being with someone when they go, washing and getting them ready is such a privilege. I have had that privilege and know how it feels and I am sure later on it will help you. Don’t be afraid of returning to work, after that first day everyone will have forgotten why you have had time off and you will have to be brave and cope with what passes as normal. You are right your life has changed and dealing with it is hard but you sound strong, you will have wobbles and I was told to learn from them, not sure I have but it helps to get through them. I hope there’s someone at work who really wants to know how you are doing and that you can talk to them, don’t be afraid, talking is good. Bless you. Sxx

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Thanks for sharing and for you’re advice :heart:

Thank you for posting it really helps to know you are not alone.

Thank you for taking the time to reply appreciated :heart:

Oh my goodness this is so similar to me. Lost my mum on 30/01/2021 she was also in a care home for almost 3 years and I was lucky to be with her at the end. I was called less than 24 hours before she passed spent the afternoon with her, one of my son’s stayed all night and then I picked him up in the morning only to be called 2 hours later to say she was fading fast. i only just made it in time she passed 20 minutes later with myself and oldest son there. My dad passed in 2008 and both my sisters in 2003 and 2010 and now there is only me and I feel very alone no adult relatives left. I have my sons but they are young, nan is another generation removed for them. Funeral tomorrow I am dreading it, just the thought makes me well up. There will only be me my sons and 2 friends but even so I don’t know how I will get through it. I’m due back at work next month and like you Allyred dreading it. Life will never be the same I’ve lost my best friend, my confidante and mum also lived with us for many years until she went into the nursing home. I lost mum then as we couldn’t have the conversations we used to but at least I could still see her until covid. Mum used to talk to her mum every day, I think I will be doing that.