I suddenly lost my mum in July of this year. I just dont know how I’m expected to continue when I’m feeling so sad. I just dont think I’ll ever feel true happiness again. I miss her every single day. I try my best to distract myself with work which works for a little bit but then those feelings of pain and lost come back. I just feel like I have to perform every single day and I’m exhausted. I worry that people are fed up of me and my anxiety goes through the roof and I get myself into a state thinking my husband is going to leave or that he questions what he has got himself into; I know that it is my anxiety questioning everything. I just dont know how to handle my emotions. I’m completly overwhelmed…
Hi Tapj
I completely understand how you feel but can reassure you that you are still in such early stages, that things will improve.
I lost my mum suddenly to a massive brain hemorrhage in june 2019. It was such a shock as mum lived with us, was only 74, very active, very funny and more likely to outlive us, the way she was going.
I was traumatised and unable to work for 4 months and it took a year before I started to feel even a little bit normal.
Nearly 16 months on and I am very sad, think about her all day long and still cry once or twice a week. However, i also smile at things, enjoy a good film or book, enjoy my job again and can see my old self returning slowly.
It is a slow process but you will get there. I lived for my mum. I never thought I would smile again 
I have tried many coping mechanisms such as focusing on something to shift my attention, I’ve attempted knitting too just to help my mind but it isnt helping. I just want to be allowed to be sad. I am the eldest of 4 and so have a ton of responsibilities. My mum was 56; we are all adults but that doesn’t make it any easier. I am teacher so to have time off becomes rather tricky especially as my students have had such a long time out of education. I just cant seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
56 is very young. My dad died aged 53 but this was 22 years ago.
You are just a few weeks in…give yourself self time and be kind to yourself x
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