Mum

I lost my mum 7 weeks ago. she never told me she was dying, I live in the UK and she lived in Italy, with the Covid i couldnt go over to see her even when i got a phone call from my family 2 weeks before she died. My family wanted me to drop everything and go,
Now they blame me that my mum died even the day she got buried my uncle phone me and told me

When my mum went to hospital she passed away 3 days later, we always talked on the phone 3 or 4 times a week she always said she was ok
I dont understand why my mum never told me, it breaks my heart

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Don’t ever forget that it was not your fault, and that it was not in your power to be able to see your mum.
I was unable to visit my mum for the very last time due to my child’s illness - it was simply something that could not be helped. I am sure that your mum would not want you to feel so bad - so you must not allow other people to do it to you either!
XX Mysh

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Please never blame yourself or feel guilty because there’s nothing either of you could have done.
Both our sons live abroad and I always say ‘yes I am fine’ and generally tell them all the daft DIY jobs I have been doing but I never tell them that I am down or been upset and crying. They have no idea how I am actually and that what mums do. I had a small day op that went wrong but they had no idea until I was back home after three days in hospital, I always feel why tell them just to upset them because there’s nothing they can do.
Sorry reading this back it sounds very selfish but it’s how I deal with this life and covid has made me determined to just get on with it, what ever it is. Your mums may have been just the same and therefore they would not put any blame on you.
Please look after yourselves and remember this site is always here for you.
Susie xxx

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Thanks Susie, you sound like my mum she always said she was cleaning, keeping busy… shopping, meeting friends but when Covid she was isolated, although i knew she went out shopping… till last summer she lost weight and last december she went to the doctor because she hurt her leg, I found out after she passed she had a fall she never told anyone, she could of broke something then she was using a chair for support and crawling down the stairs, her friend did shopping for her, but never made any food for her so my mum was eating biscuits. my mum always said she was fine on the phone… The alarm bells when off after her friend called the doctor that was 2 weeks before she died. My mum family (i dis own them) wanted me to drop everything and go over . I couldnt drop everything I have my job, my home and my cats to think about… its my life , or im the selfish one here plus we was in lockdown
Its difficult times we are in, Italy went in lockdown that saturday the day of mums furneral . I couldnt go, i stayed in the UK thats a blessing because if i went over i couldnt get back home

Hi, yes am afraid you are right, it’s just what I would/do, For me I don’t want to worry our boys and yes they have their own life’s and responsibilities and with the virus, travel is out of the question until they are fully vaccinated. Your mum sounds just the same so don’t worry, we make our own decisions and older people make just as many mistakes as younger people but it’s our decision. We should not judge what others should or shouldn’t do or say because we are not in their shoes.
Big message from me is no guilt, no worrying and most of all not regrets. I am thinking of you and sending love and big hugs. Bless you. S xxx

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God bless you Susie xxx

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