So I’m nearly a year on from mum passing.
Wow what a roller coaster, what a loon I have been at times
I have been fairly good most of the time… Positive about enjoying what I cna from life my children etc.
But I do find I get really PAnicky just out of nowhere which is weird.
Today I was cleaning a mattress for a client and my cleaner burst it’s pipes and gushed all over floor
I just felt like I was floating and just wanted to txt mum.
I didn’t really have her for 20 years of my life and when I finally was close she had like one good year with me as mum n daughter shuld n then died
I am the only one of six siblings she did this too due to her beign a Jehovahs witness for most of her life and I was kicked out.
My siblings didn’t get kicked out so they were allowed to have a normal r ship with her.
I do feel pretty bloody short-changed of love today, I’ve never had very good partners and always chose the lesser value ones.
I have risen and become the woman I should of alwyas been but it’s hard having to do it fully on ya own when ya sort of relax a bit and have ya mum for a while. And then again gone.
Love I seem to never be able to keep hold of
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Hi Lennastarr,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex