Mum

Its now been seven months since i lost my mum i still cant cope i feel i need to be strong for my sister and brother as iam oldest.The guilt i carry as we have a brother who still doesnt know mum has passed.As he has no contact with us through his choice .i have went back to work but when i come home to a empty house i just sit and wish my mum and dad were here . I cant get over the fact that i never got to say good bye as i was on holiday .Am also dreading xmas as thats when my mum passed also mum would have been 80 in november in stead of planing a specisal day for mum i will be dreading it just wish i had some one to tell me thing will get better .

Hi June45

I was saddened to read your post about the loss of your Mum. It is a very hard time for you especially as you have not been able to let your brother know what has happened. I don’t think you need to be strong for your siblings at all, they will understand. You all feel the same, she was your Mum and you loved her.

It is good that you have been able to return to work and I hope they have been kind and supportive to you. Keeping busy is good as it stops you thinking too much! It is hard I agree coming home to an empty house. I lived with my Mum and after losing her I dreaded walking up the road to our house after work and letting myself in. The house felt cold and miserable (and this was in summer). Not being able to tell Mum about my day and hear what she had been doing was awful.

I am sorry to see you didn’t have the chance to say goodbye as you were away. That is difficult to come to terms with and I honestly don’t have any advice. I had to ring my sister and tell her when Dad passed away and I know she felt it badly for years that she wasn’t there.

My Mum would have been 95 in November so yes a special birthday like yours. We always celebrated ones with a 5 or a 0 particularly. I found the anticipation of Mum’s first birthday after her loss was worse than the actual day, also the anniversary of her loss.

I am just over two years on from losing my Mum. I never thought I would stop crying for her and over her loss. I have struggled, and still do some days, but have got through somehow. Seven months isn’t that long, you probably were in shock for some time after and may be still. It is really taking each day as it comes, some will be easier than others which will be rubbish. If you need to cry do so as it does help relieve the tension.

I won’t say it gets better, it gets different. Remember your Mum with love and remember happy occasions shared with her. I have been getting a lot of comfort recently remembering family holidays when I was little. Remembering Mum when she and Dad were young and healthy helps me through the sadder hours.

Keep coming back here if you need help. There are lots of kind people on this forum. I know beacause they have been kind and very helpful to me. If it really feels too awful there is the online bereavement counselling service to consider.

Take care of yourself
Mel

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Thanks mel for your kind words my mum would have been 80 on the 13th nov.work has been a good distraction .And you right it us hard coming home to a empty house am doing it up with the small ammount off money my mum left so there will be a bit of my mum and dad here with me .iam not looking forward to nov got the week off work .

Take care of yourself first then you can help others.
Your mum may not be here on her birthday but after my loved ones died we still celebrated their birthday, yes with tears at first but we get the photos out and laugh and share our memories. Might not work for everyone but works for us.
Christmas we decided to share the love and bought little gifts for people in the nursing home who have no family, tried to turn the negative feelings into positive ones.
Keep strong and take time for yourself now. X

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