Mum

I lost my mum in march this year, she became poorly last year and i have been her main carer and the one fighting her corner for her throughout it all. Her estate etc is in the solicitors now and ive suddenly become extremely overwhelmed, flashbacks of her final days and passing. Crying at the drop of a hat. Is this normal?

1 Like

Hi @Overwhelmed1
I’ve just read your post and can tell you everything you are going through is absolutely normal. Grief is a journey with many wave like ups and downs. You may have experienced it as one step forward and two back, also normal. The thing is there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, you just have to take one day or even one hour at a time. Be kind to yourself and go at your own pace. Some people find keeping busy helps, some people withdraw into themselves, I did the latter. After doing so much research on grief, I’ve found that all the floods of tears are actually healthy and a sort of relief, so don’t hold them back.
I’m just coming up to six months since I lost my mam and no where near at the the end of my journey but it does get a little easier. Have you considered counselling, I’m on a waiting list which I hope will be beneficial. I’m so sorry for your loss, keep posting on here, it does help.
Sending best wishes to you :heart:

1 Like

Hi thank you for your reply. I am on the waiting list for counselling, i know what happened and i wont see my mum again but it has just hit home, i am actually never going to see my mum again. The past year has been so physically, emotionally and mentally draining i think now it has all stopped it is all catching up on me x

Your probably right, I think it does catch up with you and all you can do is go through it the best you can
Sending you a hug :people_hugging:

1 Like

I am really sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation this time last year. I was my mums carer for years and her best friend. The last year she became less mobile and then got a UTI then septicaemia. Watching her go in the ambulance after she collapsed and I just couldn’t manage her on my own, I knew this was not going to get better.
She had a long spell in hospital and then came home for 2 weeks to die. It was a special time but equally horrendous.
I was exhausted and physically shattered by the time she passed peacefully with me beside her August 4th.
The emotions and the grief was so strong it was a physical pain and soo overwhelming I was completely unprepared for it.
I have been left so empty and soo much less a person and am still finding the loss immense. I completely agree you need to just take one day at a time. I had to clear my Mums house to rent it out which was devastating but it gave me the space to scream and sob in a safe place where I could really let it all out. The beach was the other place I would go for the same.
Everyone experiences grief differently but I did go through a time of wanting to just sleep and not wake. I just needed it all to stop. It didn’t and her beloved dog who was left with me got a lump and I had to have him put to sleep 6 months after Mum. It was as bad as loosing her again.
It just seems so endless but I do try and remember how much Mum loved me and how sad she would be to see me so broken. It has helped me keep going. Her smile and her laugh the smell of her help me on my bad days. It doesn’t get easier but it gets less physically overwhelming.
Just try hard to remember the love and the laughs and the good. I promise the awful bits became less of your memory as it was brief and a short time compared to your life with her. That is why is hurts soo much. Be kind to your self X

2 Likes

Hi thankyou for your reply. I can relate to many of the things you have said too. I dont normally talk easily about me, but i am starting to feel like i am stuck in some sort of whirlwind, everyone has gone back to living their lives and im not sure who i am anymore x

1 Like

I completely understand. I still feel so lost and like I have no purpose. I am normally an up beat positive person and tried to keep my Mum and whole family going.
I think it took me months to physically recover as I was buzzing from organising the funeral and dealing with stupid family and their needs.
It’s only when it all slows down I had to think about mine. I have never had time to before and it is terrifying and mind blowing. Everyone else thinks I should be free and happy! The only person I could share all this with is gone.
Talking here does help you realise you are not alone and not mad at least. We just have to keep going, I am still not quite sure what for yet X

1 Like

I can completely understand what you are saying and feeling. My mums house sale is virtually through, the house has been emptied (which was absolutely heartbreaking), after months of running at 1 million mile’s per hour, its coming to a close and i know she has gone, im not in denial, i thought i was going through tjr grieving process but the way i am feeling now is so different, im so confused, very emotional and feeling like ive been dragged through a hedge backwards. I spent years running around doing what needed to be done to now nothing, i have absolutely no idea what to do, technically my mum passing and i have my life back and i dont know what or where i am supposed to go from here, i just want to see my mum x

Wow it is actually nice to know I am not the only one. I feel the same that I should be grateful and happy to be free and everyone keeps asking me what I want? I have no idea.
I miss my Mum soo much and realise just how much she loved me and wish I had had more time to just be with her without all the other stuff that made it sad and miserable. We shared some lovely moments in her final 2 weeks. We talked more openly than we had ever done before. It was just so sad she had to linger and suffer the last week.
I gave up my job, my last child left home straight after Mum died and then lost her lovely dog who adored me to cancer. I had young horses to bring on and had to sell them as well as I couldn’t give them the time and energy. It’s like my whole world stopped! I have had a fall and been kicked all because of my state of mind being wrong and so different. I even tried to start a new job part time job but had bronchitis and was really ill.
My Mum died last year on 4th August so the anniversary is coming round. Her birthday was 3rd Sept and our 20th Wedding anniversary is on 4th Sept. :flushed: I try soo hard to hang on to how Mum would have wanted me to be happy but I don’t have the same energy or spark or enthusiasm as I did before. I drag myself around and everything even the smallest thing makes me feel over whelmed. No one warns you of these things. I really want to move forward for myself but I just don’t know how! X

Hi hear you! My mum passed on 11th march 2024, so today is her 4 month anniversary. It was my 50th birthday in mam and my husband, family and friends all arranged different events through the month, my actual birthday i was in mams bedroom sortk g through her personal belongings, but that is exactly where i wanted to be. All the other events i really didnt want to go but everyone had been so kind and generous and i couldnt let them down and i know my mam wpukd have telling to go and enjoy myself. I apologised to everyone before hand incase it ended up in tears, but to be honest i had a lovely time. I dont like feeling like i do and hoping it will get easier as time goes on. Since mum has passed it has definitely changed my wsy of thinking, life is too short, i decided my job was making miserable and stressed so opted to concentrate on the things i could change and control do now im moving to another department x

May* is my birthday