hi, i haven’t been on here in awhile because i’ve been telling myself i’m fine, and i’m just coming to terms that i’m not, this month will be seven months since i lost my mum it doesn’t even feel right to say. She’s my best friend i’m 21 now it was my birthday in june having that without her was so strange it didn’t feel like i was there, wednesday is her birthday she would of been 46 or as we’ve been saying for the past five years 32 lol, every year i’d decorate the house for her like she did for me, it’s just me now and everything feels so wrong i know i should probably do a little something but it feels like i’m in a dream i know she’s gone but i don’t? if that makes any sense i think the way it happened didn’t help, when i got to the hospital the nurses said she hadn’t been talking just sleeping she had a lot of drugs for the pain but the moment i walked in her room she just kept saying i shouldn’t be here and didn’t stop until i left, part of me understands and the other just wanted to say i want to stay, but i didn’t i said i’m here because i love you but it was too much and i left next thing i knew i was getting a call a few hours later saying she was gone, i just want my mum i want to celebrate her birthday, i want to hug her, i want to hear her laugh and i can’t it’s so unfair, i feel like i’m rambling and i’m sorry, to anyone going through the same i’m truly sorry i’ve never experienced feelings like this some i don’t know what they even are
Feel for you @shootingstar. You are young and your lovely Mum was taken at a young age too. You must have had so many emotions on your 21st Birthday without her there. Life really is so unfair sometimes. I have found dealing with the loss of my Mum at 95 hard so totally get that you are struggling to process losing yours at 46.
I cant offer you words of wisdom but please accept a virtual hug and my best wishes that things improve for you in the fullness of time
Hi @shootingstar,
Firstly well done for opening up and admitting you are not ok.
It’s going to be a tough week for you and I am sending you strength for Wednesday.
Anniversary days are horrible and especially the ‘first’
This article might help
Or Maybe visiting a special place or meeting someone who also knew your Mum on Wednesday.
Just a heads up, From personal experience you may find Thursday a tougher day than Wednesday as you psych yourself to get through the grief Anniversary day and then crash on the following day!
Have you signed up for Counselling or spoken with your GP?
Take care and the forum is here for you this week especially 
So sorry for what you"ve been through. I was with my mum but I’m 57 and it was extremely difficult. I’m sure she wanted to spare you that but knew you loved her. It really is unfair, you’re right… When I was 19 I lost my dad, but I wasn’t with him. I think I couldn’t have dealt with it back then. Sending all best wishes to you. X
I’m so so sorry , I to no the loss , and it’s hard when your young cause most of your support friends still have there parents so can’t really relate too you .
Noone will compare to your mum , try to think of happier times and no good days will still come , and on the hard days do what ever you need to cope on those days , lie in bed , hide away , cry , go meet people what ever you feel is needed. Xxx
Again I’m sorry.