I lost my lovely mum on 6th November after a sudden unexplained illness with a short stay in hospital.
Mum came out of hospital in a worse state than she went in. So many unanswered questions. GP recorded old age & frailty as cause of death but this was rejected by us & the medical examiner & referred to coroner.
I did manage to get an interim death certificate & so arrange a funeral for my mum on 5th December.
I’m heartbroken. As her only child, I’ve been swamped in what I call sadministration. I’ve had to sort everything & not had time to grieve until now after the funeral & im devastated. It’s hit me like a train.
My husband is trying to understand, but being too positive & focusing too much on Christmas being a distraction. I can’t bear the thought of Christmas. The only time I have never seen mum at Xmas was in Covid 2020 when we couldn’t travel. (Live 130 miles away from each other).
I just want to be quiet & grieve in my own way.
I have no idea, what is coming back from the coroner, and sadly a formal complaint has gone in to hospital too to get answers.
Whatever the result is, I’ve lost my mum & it won’t bring her back. I lost dad 3 years ago too, he died in the same hospital on the same ward mum was in . A mixture of heart & Covid. What is going on in our hospitals. Elder care is just not there. What is the point of living longer if the infrastructure for care isn’t there?
So many emotions, I’m sad & angry at the same time & I really don’t know what to do with myself or know where to turn next.
Sending you a massive , @Daisy53 - I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. It’s completely understandable if you’re not feeling like celebrating Christmas. Please do put yourself first and do what feels right for you.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but just wanted you to know you’ve been heard.
I lost my mum 1st December which has been referred to the coroner , they won’t issue me an interim death certificate till they get the PM booked in
It’s the fake concern head tilt how are you any nearer to getting this and that which gets to me
I’m an only child so Xmas will be me and my partner plus the cats as he’s stopped his parents coming for Xmas , the latest we’ve been told is it maybe 20/27 dec as they only do them once a week for her area when it does get to the funeral it’ll be from people oh we thought you’d had it
Her death was unexpected like yours she was on IV antibiotics and suddenly crashed between doses , wasn’t being checked on even though she suddenly had really bad pain, the scenarios that go through my head are all pointing tot one thing
My heart goes out to you both.
I’m still re-living the trauma from my mum’s 7 weeks in hospital. I was in there up to 18 hours a day watching what they were doing & how incompetent & uncaring so many of the staff are.
Im so sorry for both of you.
There is no good time to lose your mum but Christmas is so tough.
The world keeps spinning & life goes on, but for us, our world has shattered.
At first the phone doesn’t stop ringing but then over a few weeks that’s stops & everyone gets on with their lives & your tragedy is forgotten. You feel alone & at sea with all the paperwork that has to be done & you are leff negotiating with banks & utility companies & of course the tax man.
All we can do is go day by day & be kind to ourselves. Hope the coroner gets a move on for us.
Hello. I must say your post resonated with me strongly. I too lost my Mum, she passed 15th Nov and I am the only child doing all the admin, so i completely empathise with your situation.
My Mum too was referred to the coroner and I recieved an interim dc.
I am so sorry you are hurting, just like i am hurting too. You are not alone and we will both get through this one step at a time.
Please continue to post and talk and we will listen and reply. I am personally dreading the results of the coroners inquest. It can take up to 3 months in our case apparently.
Words can’t help too much, and nothing will bring them back, but you are in my thoughts.
My mum died in March and her death was referred to coroner. can’t think why she died in hospitable 5 days after a fall at home plus she was nearly 90. Still waiting the outcome of inquest. We did get an interim dc so could have a funeral all be delayed by nearly 2 months -strikes and bank hoildays. I’ve always decorated mum’s house at xmas, same decs in same place since 90s so have been dreading it but feeling better about it than expected at the mo. As for admin we used the tell us once service which dealt with government agencies but it wasn’t a smooth as it should’ve been and there’s way more admin than you think. Take care all.
No one really understands until it happens to them. Friends & family mean well but they focus on keeping you positive when you are actually in despair. There is no timeline on grief. Some days are better than others.
I’ve started saying no. No to husband trying to bull doze me into focussing on Christmas to cheer me up.
I don’t want to cheer up! I’m devastated & bogged down in admin. He’s not helping with any admin. He’s just merrily carrying on with his life as normal & just tries to say all the right things but actually isn’t taking ownership of anything. Keeps saying, well you are the executor, only you can sort it.
He doesn’t even ask where I am with it all.
I’ve accepted the situation & decided to employ a solicitor to apply for probate. It’s expensive but it gives me peace of mind & will be paid out of the estate.
I wonder if it’s normal for family members to just leave you to it. My adult daughter is also no help. Just carrying on with her life as normal too. Not even a phone call to check im ok.
So an only child I am & an only child I will stay. I will have to rely on myself & again I have accepted that.
Best not to expect anything from anyone & then there’s no disappointment. How sad is that.
I’ve noticed strangers are kinder! And I really appreciate this community. There are people who understand & its good we can talk freely on here as it really helps.
Sorry you’re family aren’t being more helpful Daisy. My sister and i did probate but mum’s will was simple split between me and my sister. Sis has been less helpful clearing mum’s house. She lives away so only comes to the house every few months and when she does she doesnt help clear things eg she said I’d like to have this if that’s ok then puts it back. If you want it take it. I think she’s hoping I’ll buy her out and move in so she won’t have to deal with it. Also my boyfriend goes to house most days so deals with maintenance in fact when she fell she told the police to phone him because he always answers - he was her go to person
A lot of what is being said here resonates with me. I lost my Dad a year ago and as an only child I had to deal with many things single handedly. Unfortunately I don’t think a lot of companies and legalities are set up to deal with grieving people. I also handed the majority of stuff to a solicitor…my Dad’s estate wasn’t complicated or large but I really just wanted to lift a massive weight off my shoulders as I had weight there to begin with. It is worth the money to avoid further stresses and we’re all dealing with enough. I hope you can get things sorted as quickly and smoothly as possible going foward
The same thing has happened to me my mum was in hospital due to having blood in her catheter they kept stopping and starting her blood thinners until her cardiologist said mum needed to stay on these due to increased risk of heart attack.
Mum was fit for discharge from hospital on the 4th December she came home absolutely fine happy to be home but no one had put mum back on her blood thinners .
She died 4 hours later .
The doctors wanted to put down dementia on her death certificate which I refused now with the corner and now waiting for postmortem
I’m so sorry, that is truly awful. I feel for you.
What is wrong with the doctors in these hospitals? They are paid so much money for getting it so badly wrong. Unforgivable.
We got told via the PM my mum had perforated diverticular disease which brought on peritonitis basically perforated bowel with sepsis never bad anything to show that was there before - to be told it was an UTI when looking on line peritonitis can be mistaken for a UTI , logged a complaint with the hospital and they sent me an email saying my mum would have to give consent for the complaint when they knew she was dead
, 
