My Mum died in March. Her 2 day inquest is next week. She died suddenly due to medical negligence at the age of 67. She was going through cancer treatment and sepsis was missed for 2 days. She then ended up in septic shock and barely conscious and being sick but a Dr sent her for a CT scan with just a nurse who had requested a Dr to go with her, with no anti nausea meds. My Mum aspirated went into cardiac arrest and was intubated incorrectly and the Dr forgot to admit the carbon monoxide monitor so didn’t realise for 6 mins, causing brain damage. The rapid review has admitted lots of errors and at the pre inquest, the coroner found many errors
Next week is the full inquest and I don’t think I can do it. I’m a single Mummy to a little boy and I’m on autopilot for him. I’ve not even started to grieve properly yet because I can’t crumble. I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd and on a long waiting list for therapy. I’ve zero grief counselling as can’t afford it. I also have multiple chronic health issues
I have coroners office pressuring me even though I’ve said I don’t feel I can attend and my Mum i know would be saying don’t do it, look after yourself and my grandson, it’s just a formality but then if I don’t attend I feel I’m letting her down as it’s the last thing I can do for her
The coroner already has my statement of events, my complaints when my Mum was ill, questions I want answering. Over 30 pages from me! I would have to attend alone on a 6 hour day 2 days in a row.
I can’t hear it again. I read the review in July and I’ve had it shut in the drawer ever since. I can’t hear it, I can’t see the Drs. I’m not ready to face the grief. I’ve not grieved for my sister qe lost suddenly just before lockdown. I can’t open this can of worms until I’ve the support of therapy. My little boy needs me I’m making myself ill deciding what to do
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Far too many of us here have horror stories about hospitals and the lack of care, me included. It never went to an inquest, but I filed a complaint, so I know how hard it is to go back and recall all the events and errors.
You’ve said what you wanted to say in those 30 pages and you know they’ve had to review them. That’s what’s important. The rest, as you say, is a formality. You already have PTSD diagnosed and being there all alone for two whole days is a lot to handle without support. You don’t have to feel like you let her down if you don’t go, what you’ve already done is more than enough. She would be proud of you for taking it this far.
I’m so sorry you have lost your beloved mother. Nothing like on your scale but I also had an instance of appalling NHS treatment of my mother - she was screaming in utterly unnecessary pain and fear - and I made a formal complaint.
It might help to disentangle the different reasons for going/not going. For example if you think someone should hear what happens - could a representative/friend go instead? If you want to go but can’t deal with it on your own, there is a thing called the
Coroners’ Courts Support Service (CCSS), an independent charity providing free, non-legal, emotional, and practical support to bereaved families and witnesses.
Helpline & Email: A national helpline ([0300 111 2141](tel:0300 111 2141)) is available for queries regarding the process and to provide support.
Perhaps there is also a friend or a good neighbour who could look after your little boy - if and only if you decide you want to attend.
However - whatever you do or don’t do it needs to be right for you. You are already dealing with so much, and no one can know more about you and what is the right way forward for you.
Incidentally, don’t ever feel there is no one you can talk to to help with how you’re feeling while you were waiting for therapy. If you are truly desperate, the Samaritans are wonderful and if you just need to speak to someone or you think you might scream and never stop McMillan Cancer support have been absolutely wonderful listening to me in those circumstances. Hugs and take care of yourself as well as your little boy.
I’m making myself ill deciding what to do