My dad broke his hip in a fall in their ensuite bathroom at home in January, hip now fixed but he moved permanently into the care home end of a rehab place he went to post hospital. He was due to come home with carers coming in, but a month after his fall my mum died suddenly at home, so he chose to not return home.
I was home alone with mum, she hadn’t been well, and we thought further evasive treatment was on the cards for the rest of this year, but we did not expect her to die so soon, and suddenly.
I found her passed away in their ensuite bathroom, having taken soup up for her lunch, she’d been resting upstairs. Time is a bit of a blur but I think I left her about an hour on her own.
No idea how soon after I went downstairs she passed away, as I didn’t hear her go in the bathroom, not hear her shout out.
I’d never seen anyone dead before, but it wasn’t as scary as I’d feared. It was a horrible situation to be in, but I got the ambulance out, and the crews were so lovely. My boyfriend dropped everything at work and came to support me, and a neighbour helped before he arrived.
We got to spend almost an hour just us with mum before the undertaker collected her. I sat and held her hand, stroked her hair and face, and said I was sorry. I knew she had gone, but I didn’t want her to be alone.
I’d only ever seen undertakers on TV and thought them to be clinical looking places among shops, mum went to one that looked like someone’s house .
That was comforting to me, it felt like she was staying in a b&b down the road. I went to see her there, at first she looked more drawn, but then I sat and held her hand again and stroked her hair and face.
Organising the funeral with my sister gave us something to do, and keep us busy. I wrote the eulogy and read it out ok, even while looking at her coffin in front of us all. She had a natural burial and I’ve been twice since to visit and chat.
Once my sister went home, I started to talk out loud to mum, every morning, evening, and when i leave/return to the house. I always also say, I know I’m talking to myself out loud here, but it feels comforting as this is the last place she was alive.
It doesn’t feel spooky but I’m not keen being in the house alone of an evening as it just seems so empty.
I do have a flat to go back to, but find the communal building noisy. I spend as much time as I can at my boyfriend’s, or he coming to me.
I have good things happen and I want to come home and tell mum, then I remember.
Dad wants to join mum, but apart from old age is healthy. But he can and does smile about things too, though he finds it hard to believe she’s gone as well. He was at the funeral.
I feel like I’ve lost both parents even though dad is still living, and I visit him most days.
So many changes in 3 months, it’s felt like 3yrs!
I cry most days often at random things.
Lots of rambling, I just wondered if others have had and felt similar? Thanks.
Sorry for your loss, indeed it does sound like a lot to have to deal with in such a short space of time.
Like you,I’ve found some comfort in talking to my mum (7 months since she passed over now) and I’ve found writing to her helps sometimes. Crying at random things is so natural I think, Instagram gets me like nothing else!! But if it helps gets some of the overwhelming emotions out,then I’m all for it!
Time becomes a strange thing, everything seems like 2 weeks ago……conversations, events (good and bad) literally most occurrences in life now have weird timelines. All part of the process I suppose.
I haven’t had a similar experience to be able to compare, just wanted to hop on and let you know you’ve been seen and to pass on my condolences x
This is a great forum, I hope someone comes along soon who shares a similar experience.stick around, you will find your people….