Hello again people, I’m sorry I’ve not been around. On tge 30th of this month my mum would of been gone 4 months she was 66 and she was taken unexpected within 12 hours.
I just can’t accept shes gone. It feels like only days, or weeks since we last spoke, that being 5 days before she passes on WhatsApp video.
It feels like when she was alive, I only saw her 3 or 4 times a year and we were very close. My bestfreind xxxxx I recently spent 5 days visiting my dad, as it was e months after the funeral that I had seen him. Myself and 3 sisters and my brother fell out over reasons 13 years ago. Since then we have started to talk again, text WhatsApp video etc. Sadly my Mum always said “only time you all 5 ( kids) get together will be if me or your dad passes” I joked saying long time yet Mum.
Well it happened and I have not grieved. When she passed away, I had to help plan her funeral as my dad couldn’t cope. It brought us all together and we all started catching up after the years since.
I don’t know why I feel so guilty. I feel horrible I’m not grieving yet, but I don’t want her to think I don’t care. Don’t get me wrong, I have cried but I just can’t accept. I have no regrets, as even though I lived 2.5 hours away we were so close calling 4-6 times a week. I just can’t accept it. Please help xxx
hi Adz8579 please dont feel guilty . Your crying is part of grieving i dont think your mum would think you dont care .people react differently at different times . Dont give yourself a hard time . it seems you have done a wonderful thing getting your family back talking again . i hope you can all support each other and keep posting here
hi what i also should have said is that with grief there is no rule book or calendar . It s your individual path through this . Its not by month one you should have stopped crying and feel better . So give yourself a break its your individual reaction. There are no rights or wrongs Look after yourself. And ‘we’ on this website are all in this together and understand .Thats one positve to rely on .
When you’re ready keep posting
Hi I lost my mum nearly 6 years ago on Thursday November 24th 2016. A day I’ll never forget. I can only talk from my own experience
On Thursday November 24th 2016 I was waiting to start work at 8am. I knew my mum was very poorly hospital and the guilt I feel is intolerable for the times I put my brand new job first before my mum I can’t live with the guilt I spent more time working when I should of been at her bedside every minute of every day. How do you live with that. I can’t and I detest myself for it.
So Thursday November 24th 2016 I stood outside my workplace and at exactly 7.30am my dad rung me to tell me my mum had passed away. I never got to hold her hand and tell her how proud I was of her even look in her open eyes and see what little live she had in her never mind getting to say goodbye. I wanted to look in her eyes and say how much I loved you with all of my heart. I never said these things when she was alive before she was very poorly. After the phone call I repeatedly rung the royal Liverpool hospital to blame them for killing my mum and yes if your reading this one day you’ll be sorry when I take legal action against you. Not just one hospital it’s the countess of Chester hospital. You took my mum away from me and yea I’m bitter very bitter.
Now I do a job that involves getting abuse from the public. My mum leaving has changed me as. It’s made me the person I am so much more stronger but behind it all the pain of losing her is killing md it’s tearing me apart there’s a huge hole in my life that I know I can’t fill. I do cry just not enough. I’m crying tears now writing this it hurts like you won’t believe that I will never get to see my mum In this life. All I can do is hold on to the day my life ends then I’ll get to be with my mum roll on that day.
Hi Steven
i am very sorry for your loss . Grief can last a lifetime cant it .Have you done the online Grief Counselling on this website ? That might be a bit of a help
I am sorry you still feel pain after years Have you asked your doctor about any counselling?
Try and forgive yourself for not spending time with mum . Perhaps she understood you very well and knew you had a new job and that it didn t mean that you didnt care .
I didnt go to my dads funeral because i couldnt cope but it didnt mean that i didnt care . I know he would understand that .
Post again when you’re ready
Hi yes I’ve tried counselling through my doctor I felt it didn’t work. Way I see it no amount of talking can take away feelings of grief. At the end of the day it’s not like I lost a pet I lost my mum. The one person you can’t replace
Trying to forgive myself for the guilt I feel isn’t as easy as anyone may think. I doubt I ever will forgive myself. I know deep In my heart my mum would of wanted me to forgive myself for putting my job first before my mum. Thanks for your reply.
but I just can’t accept. I have no regrets, as even though I lived 2.5 hours away we were so close calling 4-6 times a week. I just can’t accept it. Please help xxx