My mum was diagnosed with a rare aggressive cancer on Jan 22nd 26.,She was symptomless till a week before and still working. She passed away peacefully at home on March 27th . Just 10 weeks from the first symptom . I think I was experiencing anticipatory grief while she was still here ? I’ve been keeping myself busy with arranging the funeral and all the other things associated when somebody passes away . The funeral will take place on Tuesday and I’m nervous about the finality of it and how it will effect me.
A terrible shock for you. My Mum died suddenly but in different circumstances. I felt the same as you. I hope that your Mum dying peacefully gives you some comfort. I found that everyone sees the funeral as the person at rest and then they go away and the person grieving is expected to move on with their life. I put all of my energy into making the funeral the best that I could for Mum - this helped me. I then knew that my Mum would be beside me in the service and sung for her, as she always liked to hear me sing - awful voice that I have! I learnt to see the funeral as not the end, but a formality. The connection, memories, relationship continues beyond the funeral. Once I realised that I was able to manage better. Your Mum will always be part of your life and who you are.
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Sorry for you loss and thank you for your reply . That is a good way to look at it . I’ve put a lot of effort into having the funeral ( celebration of life ) just how I think she would want it . I think she would approve . It does provide comfort
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Sorry t hear about u loosing your mum , I lost my mum 1yr ago and it’s a whole new world without them , this space is safe to share how u feel
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Hi Elaine, so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my mam to an aggressive cancer in December - she was so well and able until the very few last weeks and I went through anticipatory grief.
Everyone goes through grief their own way and lots of people keep busy (it can be nice to have a distraction!). If this feels right for you, that’s ok. I arranged my mam’s funeral and i found the day not nearly as bad as the feelings up to it - it was actually kind of nice(?!) to hear so many stories about how she had made a difference to people’s lives, and funny and kind stories of her. I had quite a big gap between my mam’s death and funeral so it was also some closure for me. The day will be what it will be, rememberance, love and rituals go on.
Take care and let us know things go x
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Sorry for your loss . The funeral is today. I’m ok at the moment but it is a few hours away. I was thinking it probably won’t be as bad as I’m building it up in my head so it puts me at ease to know that’s how it was for you. Even though it’s awful what people go through, it does help knowing you are not alone . I will let you know how it goes x
Hi sleepybear
I noticed on another post that your mam had pancreatic cancer . My mum was the same but it started in the ampullary. It’s shocking how quick it takes them, isn’t it . My mum was only 68. I take comfort in that she lived a full life. I hope that’s the same for you x
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Thanks Elaine, I was thinking of you yesterday. Hope the day was whatever you needed it to be. You are not alone x
Yes, my mam had pancreatic cancer, died aged 70. It actually sounds quite similar to ampullary - it was all tangled up near the bile duct which is how we first knew something was wrong. It was so fast and so aggressive, I sometimes wonder if I am still in shock with it all. Absolutely, i remember being at the funeral hearing all about the different ways she made the most of every day. I think that will be something that stays with me from her (although it is hard at the moment!) xx
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Hello Elaine26, I hope that you are doing the best that you can. It is sometimes a day or so after the funeral when everyone goes away that it is hard. You are not alone. My brother-in-law had bile duct cancer - so quick and sudden from being so healthy.
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Sorry for your loss. Yes , how quick it is , is a lot to take in
Hi sleepybear
Thank you . Funeral went really well and she had a good turnout. I felt a little flat yesterday as you spend a few weeks arranging it and it occupies your time and then it’s all over. Feel much better today . Yes, the first symptom my mum had was painless jaundice as it was blocking the bile duct but had already spread to other places 
x
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