My 10 year old sons father passed away 4 years ago .

I have joined this community after saying to myself for 4 years … " I will seek help soon " or " will discussing the pain I feel actually make the feelings worse " or " I should be strong enough to cope alone “.
But here I am 4 years later and now my son has turned ten years old and the last 4 years seem like a blur. My mental health has gone up and down and have lost count of the jobs I have started during one of my “” better times”" only to walk away when my anxiety/ depression has got too much.
My son has times when he really struggles , when other events in his life stress him out such as the normal things we go through while growing up like falling out with friends, he gets really angry and upset and I have lost count of the times at night he has become so stressed it takes a couple of hours to calm him down from crying and settled to sleep.
When my sons father passed away we were not in a relationship but I was still very much in love with him and we remained very close , the relationship on and off at times but he was always a excellent father to my son.
I now take anti depressants to help me level out my moods but I still suffer from very bad anxiety, I am unable to work at present. My life is my son, my 2 dogs , kitten and 2 close friends which is enough for me, I feel getting to know people who have not been through what I have is awkward and I feel I let them down when I have bad days so I have pretty much gave up on socializing.
I am hoping by joining this community I may be able to support people who have been through similar situations to me and chat to people who can understand… . It would be great to chat to people who have children who have lost a parent and how the children are coping and maybe be given some advice from other parents who are going through what I am and vice versa. Thankyou for taking the time to read this, it is greatly appreciated. Thankyou .

Hi Laura.
I am so sorry to hear about how you feel. But you have come to the right place. A more understanding bunch of guys it would be hard to find.
You have tried to ‘go it alone’ but still feel bad. Discussing your pain among people who understand won’t make it worse, in my opinion. It has helped me enormously. And being able to help others though your pain is so good because we all need help from people.
Being alone or feeling isolated is awful. Thank God we have sites like this.
I have not lost children but my wife last November. You don’t let anyone down when you feel you can’t cope. And there is also no time limit to grief. 4 months, 4 years doesn’t make a lot of difference. It does get easier for many, but for some the trauma is too great to be able to be at any sort of peace for some time.
You don’t have to hope to join this community you have!
Anxiety issues are very common after bereavement. Have you thought about counselling?
Children pick up feelings so easily and, unlike adults, can’t reason them out which often leads to frustration and anger.
Keep posting when you want to unload. We are here for you and we listen and, more importantly, understand
This is a bad time for you but it will not always be so. If you read the many posts on here you will see how other folk have coped and even felt better. It is possible you know. You may feel at this moment that you don’t have the strength, both physically and mentally, to keep going. You have! We all have. Courage is not given to the few but to all of us. Take heart, you are now among people who care. Bless you and may peace and light go with you.

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