Hi everyone, I reached out here a few weeks ago following the death of my 18 year old daughter. We are still awaiting the autopsy results so we still don’t know exactly why she died, though we have suspicions it was due to substance misuse. I have been preparing for the inquest as I have a number of concerns about the care she received from the NHS in particular when she died. She had such complex mental health issues and the substance misuse was just a symptom of this - but they just passed her back and forth between services and she didn’t get any meaningful support. It was horrible to just watch her decline over time. I feel very vulnerable as I can’t afford legal support so I’m just having to go it alone - with the NHS investigation which has commenced, the police investigation and the inquest. I’ve spent days just going through all the hundreds of emails I sent raising concerns with the professionals and screaming about how I knew this could end her life, even my daughter said she would not live beyond 18, but nobody listened. Going back through and cataloguing everything that happened is so painful, it’s like dredging it all up again, but I believe my daughter deserves justice and I feel a strong desire to help others that may be in a similar situation. My grief is just becoming more intense so it is difficult to see a time when this will be bearable. I just try to avoid my pain by drinking alcohol in the evenings which I know in the long term isn’t going to help.
I suppose the reason I’m reaching out here is to see if anyone has had to navigate the inquest/NHS/police investigations without support, and understand how that may have impacted your grief. The anger I feel is so intense, as is just the tremendous pain of loss. How have you all coped with this loss? Thank you all for listening.
Im so far getting no where, i want answers before the inquest to see if i need to ask coroner more questions, the night he went missing we were told he had accessed home wifi an hour after he left and his phone was pinged 0.25 miles away 3 hours later, then they changed that story. GP has refused to give his medical records without court order and his CBT notes have seemed to have vanished, i have what he has written but i want to know is that what he told them ? Weve been told toxicology upbto 20 weeks so that could be end Dec, if its a paper inquest we wont get to ask any questions, its just a rubber stamp exercise then
Im on week 13 and up and down most days still not sleeping, ive started earting a bit more, have no idea how i will live like this for rhe rest of my life
It’s an absolute minefield, I spoke to a solicitor and they said it would be approx £7,000 to support us with the inquest. My daughter was released from section on the basis that she had no mental health issues and it was substance use, despite us saying repeatedly to professionals that we believed she had a personality disorder (as she showed all of the traits for a significant amount of time). I hold a firm belief that they didn’t properly assess her. Months down the line and CAMHS diagnosed her with emotionally unstable personality disorder, but by that point it was too late. The waiting lists for treatment were two years and they said until she got her substance misuse under control she would not be eligible for therapy. She used substances as she couldn’t cope with her condition and this was said by the addiction support service so many times! I feel so angry that she was not given the support that she needed and she was let down. I worry that because I don’t have the legal knowledge, they will basically gloss over it all and wiggle out of it. I just feel for other parents who are in this position where they feel they cannot access the support they need for their children. Sorry to waffle, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had the difficulties with the coroner and the GP - surely you have the right to access those documents. We’ve been told we should get toxicology results back by the end of this month, but somehow I doubt it. I really hope you get the answers you’re looking for
Thanks Taff, I feel the same. I worry about not being able to return to work and the financial implications of this. I have a four year old son that I need to provide for. I’ve started eating a bit more now which is good, but I can’t sleep unless I have a few glasses of wine which I know is unhealthy. But I take comfort in seeing little bits of progress every day. Thinking of you
I too am struggling with the the issues surrounding our son’s death.
Cold paper exercise of a so called inquest,what a complete waste of time and a failure in the honour of our loved ones.You can’t even intervene or speak during the proceedings and even if you are asked if you’d like to say something at the end you are so completely distraught you cannot find the words to express how you feel.
Statement’s that are inaccurate and untrue.
Only we know what happened to our loved ones,they didn’t know them and their struggles and only have to tick their boxes to bring this to a close.
I am disgusted in the journey we have to go through as parents and families when losing the most precious person in our lives.
My son passed away nearly a year ago now and I still don’t have the answers I should have and am entitled to.
Wonder how these so called professionals would react if it was their child or loved one!
I am heartbroken and just want the answers I’m entitled to.
We all seem to be in the same boat,things have to change,it’s totally unacceptable but what can we do.
It’s impossible to fight when you are suffering unimaginable pain.
Thinking of everyone suffering the same grief.
Jayne x
Thank you for sharing that Jayne. I can’t imagine how that must have felt. I am dreading going into that process. I have found myself trying to put together everything I felt failed my daughter and I’ve been sending it to any professional who is willing to receive it. Deep down I almost know that it probably won’t make a difference, but I feel that I have to try to do her justice. Nothing can bring her back but if things could be influenced in any way to support others I will try my best. It must be so difficult if you still feel that you’re not getting the answers you need. Take care and thinking of you. xx
Hi Kalithia,
Thanks for reaching out to me.
I set my expectations very low for our son’s inquest and I wasn’t disappointed.
I know how desperate as parents we feel when it comes to the justice of our children but don’t ever forget that it’s a kind of closure for them but it’s never going to be closure for us.
We have to carry it with us for the rest of our lives,they just move on to the next one.
Remember your beautiful child with love and never forget what joy they brought you,even through the difficult times.
They are our child and we will always love them.
Much love.
Jayne
Hi, there is a charity www.inquest.co.uk that I have helping me. They have found me a barrister based in London and are supporting me through the inquest process. Might be worth contacting them for some support. I also have my local MP involved who is being very supportive (his daughter also took her life a few years ago.
Thanks so much, sadly they won’t be able to help us as we don’t meet their criteria, but they signposted me to this link so I’ll make contact with them to see if they can help me. AvMA - Inquests - just sharing this in case it is of use to any others. I really appreciate that as I feel so lost, alone and scared in dealing with this. It seems that unless you’ve got a lot of money, you just can’t get the support
I am new to this site abd I hope I have done this corr. I lost my father in March 2022 due to surgical error and medical negligence. His Inquest was finally last month and it was a gruelling 3 days . We employed a solicitor and Barrister to represent the family at the Inquest but on a ‘ No Win no fee’ basis - taking out insurance so we would not be out liable to fees - we didn’t have the money to do independently - There are certain solicitors that only act with medical negligence claims . I hope that helps and am happy to discuss further if needed
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. I only spoke to one solicitor who advised that we would struggle to get any representation for the inquest without paying the cost (circa £7,000), but I’m really confused about whether I need to await the conclusion of the NHS investigation and whether we could seek support on a no win no fee basis in relation to negligence/the inquest. How did you find the solicitor? Did you just ring around and make enquiries? I’m going to reach out to AvMA to see if they will have a call with me to provide some advice. I just need to get clear in my own mind what order I need to tackle things in to make sure that I don’t miss anything. I feel so vulnerable and worried I won’t be able to do my daughter justice.