I lost my daughter just over three weeks ago. The cause of death still hasn’t been confirmed, but it is suspected this was due to drug use (she was addicted to solvents). It’s a very complex grief as unfortunately she left home two years ago after she attacked both me and my mum and as we had a two year old child we didn’t feel safe or able to look after her. She was violent and abusive towards me when she did live at home and our relationship was never the same again. I was very involved in her care and was constantly chasing up mental health services, social care etc. I am very angry as I feel that the services let her down as she seemed to fall between the gaps as some felt it was substance misuse that was the issue vs her mental health so she was passed from pillar to post. She was sectioned for a time but this was then lifted as they felt it was a substance misuse issue, I think that was the wrong decision as she was later diagnosed with personality disorder. Myself and my husband are completely broken. We have a four year old son to still look after but while grieving it just feels so hard. Family and friends have been extremely supportive but I can’t rely on them entirely to take care of my son. I just struggle to see how I am going to live with this, but I have to do it for my boy. I keep using alcohol to try and block everything out, and I’m hoping my GP will be able to recommend something else rather than me just self medicating myself. The inquest isn’t until January next year, and the NHS are doing an investigation into their practice, so I just don’t know whether I need any legal advice. It’s all just one huge mess. At my work they are also restructuring so I feel like I have a massive amount of uncertainty. Thanks everyone for listening and if anyone has any advice or guidance they can provide to me that may be helpful that would be appreciated. I think I just need to hear that this grief won’t feel this intense forever, as the growing around grief model just doesn’t work for me! I can’t imagine feeling like this for the rest of my life and I need some reassurance that things get better. Thank you.
Hello @Kalithea,
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter - that is devastating. It sounds like you and your family have been through so much.
We know that grief can be so painful to cope with. But it’s important that you reach out for support; you matter and you don’t have to do this alone. It’s good that you’re going to discuss your drinking with your GP. In the meantime, you might want to look at these resources:
- The NHS website has a guide on getting support with alcohol issues.
- Alcohol Change offer support to people who are experiencing issues with alcohol.
- Drinkline is a free, confidential helpline for people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else’s. Call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am–8pm, weekends 11am–4pm)
It can be hard to know where to begin with supporting a grieving child while grieving yourself. A lot of our members have found Winston’s Wish helpful. They have lots of age-appropriate guidance on helping a child with their grief.
You may also wish to get in touch with The Compassionate Friends. They offer support to anyone who has lost a child of any age. You can also give them a ring on 0345 123 2304.
I know that’s a lot of links and I can see you’re getting support on other threads, but I just wanted to share these resources with you.
Take good care - keep reaching out.
Seaneen
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my son in March 2023 to a drugs overdose. The shock is so intense and the pain you feel is horrendous. All I can say is take it hour by hour and yes the pain does get a bit easier but it’s so hard. My ex sister in law sent me a card a while ago with her words written, you will never get over the loss of your son, you learn to live with it. It took me sometime to digest those words, but they are very true. Be kind to yourself is also important. I have found writing a daily journal helps me, a tip I got from this forum. Keep messaging we are all here x
Thanks so much, I really appreciate it xx
I totally agree with what mjg says. Take it hour by hour, day by day. It’s 2 years since my son died from a drug overdose. For me it got a whole lot worse before it started getting better, I finally accepted he’s not coming back, that was a massive step forward for me. I tried counselling, CRUSE really helped but I’ve found talking to other bereaved parents a whole lot better, they are the only ones who truly understand.
I also keep a journal, writing it down gets stuff out of your head.
Don’t be hard on yourself, there’s no right/wrong way to travel this terrible road.
Take care xx
Sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you, I really appreciate it. I agree that I don’t think anyone can quite understand what this is like. Take care xx