My 20yr old daughter died recently

My beautiful daughter died 11days ago. I’m in such pain. She had Eupd and struggled with her mental health a lot since 11 turning to drugs over the last 2 years. I’m still waiting to find cause but she was found unresponsive in a drug friends house. Saying that just sounds so cold. I can’t believe it got to this. She was supposed to be coming to stay with me on the 1st just gone, on the same day I was supposed to be moving into a new place. I can’t believe I couldn’t save her.
I came to stay with my mum when this happened thinking I’d be able to go see my daughter straight away but they won’t let me till next week. Over this last week my mum has gone crazy (she has schizophrenia which I am pretty certain is from taking lot of drugs in the 60 and 70s) a now I’m waiting for the crisis team to come. I’m sat beside her bed listening and talking to her but it’s just nonsense or not her. I’m distraught and angry I should be grieving for my beautiful daughter n instead I’m having no show emotion n act like everything’s ok and just try keep my mum calm. I feel like my insides have been ripped out. I am empty then I’m so intensely distraught then angry and blame myself for not saving her. I tried to get her away from her “friends” and I failed n now she’s gone forever. Sorry my thoughts are all over and I’m a bit frantic n not good at putting things into words very well.

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My husband died from suicide due to addiction to drugs.

It’s not your fault! You need to believe it. Maybe try snd find a local al anon group. It’s been a life saver for me. It will show you that you had absolutely no control over the actions of others, especially those who have addiction problems. Xx

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Hi
Please don’t blame yourself, this is something that we can’t stop.I used to blame myself for my son’s death to cancer.He was only 24 years old.My daughter has moved out which is good for her as she was struggling to cope.I am alone but my job keep me busy .
I get nightmares in the night and unable to sleep.
I can understand what you are going through.
Sending you my love and strength xx

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I’m sorry to hear about your son it’s so painful isn’t it. . I lost my ex 9 years ago to cancer took him within 5 months, such a horrible way to go isn’t it. I feel for you going through that.
I just feel like I’m not going through the proper processes of grieving my daughter due to my mum being mentally unwell. I’m scared I’m going to have to plan her funeral alone and not have memories because my brain is so frazzled. I feel like being back at work will give me something to focus on but I can’t picture functioning properly again. I want to give her the best send off to show her off to everyone, I want to make a collage to show all her happy moment but my state of mind is all over n I can’t even make s start on it xx

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Sorry it’s taken me a while to reply. I am just so in pieces I can’t find words. I’m sorry about your partner. It’s horrific isn’t it. I feel as though why wasn’t I enough to get her off drugs. I’m sure you felt that same feeling. I have seriously wished for a Time Machine (which is obvs impossible) but I just want her to come back so bad. I can’t believe it. N not knowing answers is not good for grieving I guess xx

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It’s a disease. I have trouble believing it too at times. I thought he just lacked willpower. I finally believed it was when he took his own life.

I often struggle with " why can some people get and stay clean and others can’t?" It’s a very complex issue that I don’t even think drs or scientists fully understand. My husband didn’t really understand it snd he was one.

I often, even now think " if only I’d have done this, or told him to do that" but I know I’m just kidding myself. It’s hell living with an addict and you can’t control them, they will lie and manipulate you to get what they want anyway. It’s so sad, it’s not really them, theyve been taken over by this insidious disease. I just hope they are at peace now. It doesn’t stop me from being heartbroken everyday though xx

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Sending you love and hugs. I too lost my son 3 weeks ago due to a drug overdose. There are no words to describe how it feels. I’m so so sad for your loss. It’s just awful xxx

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Hi mary so sorry to hear about your daughter. I lost my 20 year old son last march on my birthday. He developed a neurological condition at 16 were fine till then it progressed sadly. Its so difficult i dont know how ive made it this far… probably became ive 2 other adult sons woth autism . I find walking helps me. Big hugs for you i feel your pain xx

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Hello, my 28 year old son died of a drug overdose on 8 October 2021. I know exactly how you are feeling and I’m so sorry.

As a parent we blame ourselves but unfortunately we can’t change it now, we did what we thought was right at the time and we can change what’s happened in the past.

If I can help in any way please drop me a line. Just take it hour by hour then day by day, that’s what I do x