I lost my beautiful 41 year old daughter on 26/11. She had been ill for a week with what we thought was a tummy bug. She had a bad headache and neck ache which I said was probably dehydration. I found her dead on the floor 7 hours after I last spoke to her. She had been dead about 6 hours. Paramedic said it was very quick as she had fell on the floor but not put her arms out to save herself. We still don’t know cause of death but suspect aneurysm.
I have so much guilt, I should have made her go to a & e and they might have been able to detect what was wrong and stop her from dying. I reassured her that the head ache and neck ache was okay , she trusted me.
She was just getting her life back after separating from her partner 2 years ago, had started dating and been on holiday on her own.
We found she had lots of credit and store card debt and a loan. I worry that the stress of all the debt attributed to her death. We would have paid the debt if she had told us, but I think she was ashamed because we had paid of debts previously.
I feel like I’ve failed as a mum because she didn’t or couldn’t tell me about the debt and because I didn’t keep her safe.
I miss her so much we spoke at least once a day and I saw her at least three time a week, sometimes every day. i cry every day. I want to hold her, smell her, talk to her, feel her giving me a hug and kiss. She was my best friend and i want to be with her but cannot leave my son or husband.
Im scared I will not be able to remember her voice or what she looks like without a picture. I struggle to find memories that stick in my head, it’s like they float away. What I can see is her lay dead on the floor when i found her.
I have no joy, no happiness. I no longer fear death because it means I will be with my beautiful Lauren.
I lost my dad, my brother and my mum. But the pain of losing my first born child, my only daughter is unbearable.
I am so saddened to hear about your loss and can understand what you are going through. My son died at the end of November aged 33. He had suffered with bouts of chest pain coughing, fatigue and night sweats for months beforehand. We all thought it was long covid. I tried to get him to go back to the doctor but he seemed to think they could do nothing for him. On 28th November in the evening he phoned 999 from his flat as he was breathless. The emergency services had to bash in his front door to get to him. They tried for an hour but couldn’t rescusitate him. I feel so guilty that I did not make him go back to the doctor and that I didn’t realise he was so ill. We also found that he may have been running low on money. If only he had told us, we would have been happy to give him anything he needed. The only consolation I have is that we saw him for two weekends very shortly before he died, and also that we were speaking to him on text and email 12 hours before he passed and he sounded quite positive then. It is a terrible thing to lose a child and I send my deepest condolences.
I am so sorry about your son. Do they know the cause yet?
The bereavement nurse at our coroner’s office has said that when the results of toxicology come through I might feel more settled, not better or easier. She is very understanding but has not been where you and me are.
I have been having private counselling but sound like a record stuck in a groove.
’ I miss her, I want my Lauren back, how could this be happening? Why? ’
When people say how can i help - my answer is ’ bring my Lauren back to life and take me’ .
My grief has grown with each day and more so since the funeral on 16th December.
Do you have other children? I have a son who is 8 years younger than Lauren. I want to wrap him in cotton wool.
Dear Bam, you sound exactly like me. I cry and cry because I want my Simon back and although people are very kind and say kind things, it doesn’t help. I just want my son back as he was, not as a memory or as a ball of energy or as a robin or whatever, but as a living breathing human being with his lovely smile and kind character. The post mortem was inconclusive so we are also awaiting toxicology test results. I am not sure how we will feel when we hear. Probably just as we are feeling now. I have a daughter who is 36, so 3 years older than Simon. She has taken it very badly but has now gone back to work which has helped her, I think. She is on her own but has a little dog to look after and to walk so that also helps. I have started texting her every day now to make sure she is OK. Both my children lived on their own this year and I was always worried in case an accident or illness occurred - and look what happened. My son died in his own home. I haven’t had proper counselling yet, only sharing experiences with people on this website, which has been very helpful. Sending big hugs to you. X
I tried to watch some tv last night and throughout kept thinking ‘I will just ring Lauren’ so having to try and rewatch program this morning as I couldn’t concentrate.
Thought I was doing well yesterday as a friend turned up and dragged me out for a wander round shops and talked non stop about Lauren and gets grief but not as a mum she admits.
Opened a cupboard before I went bed and out fell a couple of pics of Lauren I had put there at least 6 months ago to go in frames. Set me off reminiscing.
Woke up this morning sobbing because I remembered me accidentally banging her head on door frame when she was 2 year old as I was holding her and rushing out door with her. If it was an aneurysm was it because of that?
As well as my daughter for 41 years she was my best friend and we spoke to each other at least once a day.
Hubby keeps saying ‘please don’t leave me’ he sees how sad I am.
I had retired from work this year In August and Lauren worked condensed hours so she didn’t work Fridays. We were planning those Fridays we only go to do a couple because of me being away or her having appointments. I know her brother is struggling but he isn’t a talker like me, he deals with his grief in a silent way. I’m scared of losing him and I ring his partner for ‘a chat’ as a way of checking he and her are safe. I don’t want them to know I’m so fretful as I’m scared that it will push them away.
I wish i had a religious faith. A girl I used to teach 20 years ago now a teacher herself with a strong faith messaged me to say how sorry she was and to tell me Lauren was safe in the light with her grandma.
Hugs to you and lots of healing love xxx
I’m no expert, but I am pretty sure that an accident so many years ago would not have affected what happened to your daughter recently, so you really shouldn’t be feeling guilty about that. Well done for getting out of the house and seeing your friend. I’m afraid I have zero interest in doing anything like that at present. I was thinking of the funeral on Friday and what clothes we were going to wear, and I even found myself briefly musing on what Simon was going to wear until I remembered it was his funeral. It is crazy but, like you, it still hasn’t quite sunk in that my child has gone. I’m still at that stage of thinking that it might just all be a terrible mistake. Maybe the person they found in the flat wasn’t my son. Maybe, even after 5 weeks, he will miraculously come back to life. Maybe I’m in some alternate reality and will return to the proper reality and find he is still there. Everything that was good and stable in our lives has been turned upside down and I don’t understand why this has happened.