My 6yr old dealing with death of my grandad

Losing a grandparent
1

In 2019 i lost my grandad he was everything to me and more.
Recently mainly bedtimes my 6yr old son has been saying he misses him . He often asks me and my partner if were going to die , its tough as i have cystic fibrosis with is a chronic illness and life limiting . So knowing 1 day he’ll have go through losing me too i feel guilty.
But back to my grandad iv never hid feelings from him iv always told him its ok to cry . We used visit grandad weekly to help him round house take him for meals he often came to ours for dinners weekends .
My son was 3 when he past hes seen photos of them together when he was a baby and im sure he remembers going visiting . Iv photos of my gramps in our home i do struggle with the loss myself .
When my son says he misses him im not sure what to say ? I usually say hes in heaven and he shines like a star in the sky , i tell him hes right in our hearts and he loves us and is watching over us and will always look after us . My grandad past of sepsis 2wks before his 100 birthday he was due home as he had a stay in hospital after a fall but 3days before release he became very ill . Our son visited him in hospital before he became unwell and when he was due home he remembers this and he expected him to come home . He never saw him again as i didnt want him seeing him on end life care as my gramps couldnt talk and i didnt want this being my sons memory of him .
We thought he was to young for the funeral and i myself never made his final goodbye as i was critically ill in hospital affer losing him .
I hope my son isnt feeding off my greif and its me effecting him , i dont forever talk bout grandad only odd occasion i may say aw gramps like this song or place etc but i want to still speak bout him .
I just want some advise about supporting our son in greif what to say when he says he misses grandad etc as i really do think now hes older and understands hes going through a degree of greif and im not sure what to say to him appart from he was very poorly so the angels took him to heaven , and he’ll always watch over u .
Id this ok to tell him .
I just want to support my son too and let him know its ok and help him

1 Like
2

Hello @Staffiemum1, I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandad. You sound like such a caring mum. You’ve asked for some advice on supporting your son. I hope these resources can help:

  • Winston’s Wish support bereaved children and families. There are lots of resources on their website which can help you to have conversations about death with your child. You can also call their helpline on 08088 020 021.

  • Child Bereavement UK have a guide on supporting children who have been bereaved which you can read here.

Books can be a good way to help children understand death and grieving. If you search online you can find lots of suggestions, but here is a list from Scholastic you might want to look at.

You might also want to consider a memory box for you and your son. You can buy or make physical memory boxes. We also have an online memory box tool on our Grief Guide where you can add photographs, songs, videos or moments that you want to keep safe and remember.

It can be hard to support our children when we are grieving ourselves. If you think some extra support for yourself could be helpful, too, Sue Ryder offer online bereavement support, including:

I hope this is helpful - take good care and keep reaching out.

Seaneen

1 Like
3

I was very young when i lost my granddad too.
It was the first time i experienced grief and it hurt really badly.
I remeber how in awe i was of him. This might sound silly but he ate rice pudding straight from the sauce pan and always imagined when i grow up i can do that too.
Always keep the fondest memories alive and then youll feel him a lot better in your hearts.
When i think of Granda i think of the spoon scraping the bottom of the pan. The warmth the shriek of the noise, makes me smile.
I feel your pain too.

1 Like